Crappy haikus By Baldy
Baldy dropped me this batch of roughly 37,427 haikus one morning and I was still halfway asleep so I decided to go ahead and post them, not thinking of any potential repurcussions. This is his first contribution to the site, other than being a longtime heckler.
Okay, first things first: A Spoiler. TRINITY FUCKING DIES AT THE END OF THE MATRIX: RELOADED. Let that clear it all up, because I’m sick and tired of the lifeless fanboys whining that it happens after some websites posted the spoiler…
Ghastly haikus by Bobby Jones
Bobby may pretend to take the high road by only contributing three whole haikus to our site, but it still doesn’t change the fact that he did it. In fact, the idea that he only submitted three leads me to believe that he actually thinks these are good or something.
I swear that I have articles in the works, and I’ll get to updating eventually. Maybe even later today, if things work out. There’s not much in theaters right now that I care to see or haven’t already, but I’ve still got a stack of movies on DVD and video I need to see. Plus, I’ve got a couple of offbeat things I want to do, that I swear I’ll get around to soon. It looks like I’ll have plenty of time on my hands.
Shitty haikus By Jay “Me So” Hornsby
Jay had penned a couple of articles for the site before deciding that he couldn’t stand not being on the haiku bandwagon. I guess some people might think these are pretty funny, but some people think root canals are funny too.
You’ve probably already seen CONFIDENCE. I mean, you may not have seen it, but yet, you already have. You’ve seen the dime-a-dozen con job that the characters pull off, you’ve experienced the slick directing tricks employed, you’ve heard the fast-talking dialogue before, you’ve had to put up with Ed Burns’ Boston accent…
Well, what can I say? Every Summer movie season comes and goes with one release I particularly look forward to, and in the last two, that release has been one of the first films out of the gate…
The two stars of the murder-thriller Identity are rain and a plot twist, with rain getting the most screen time. Amanda Peet’s hiphuggers co-star…
First off, to answer your obvious question: Yes, I did see the Powerpuff Girls movie. Willingly. In fact, I’m kind of upset that it took me this long to see it. I would have liked to seen it theatrically, but lacked a viewing compadre and couldn’t honestly bring myself to walk up to a box office and request “one for Powerpuff Girls”…
Abhorrent haikus by Noel Wood
The webmaster of the site here can’t deny that he’s dipped his pen in the ink of bad poetry here as well, as he’s contributed quite a few bad haikus himself. Also, he feels it makes him seem more intelligent when he writes in the third person.
Spinal Tap is back! Well, sort of. But that’s the first thought that ran through my mind a couple months back when I first saw a trailer for Christopher Guest’s latest plunge into the mockumentary genre he has carved out for himself…
Well, here I go again. Over the weekend I got a chance to see Christopher Guest’s new film A MIGHTY WIND, and having also recently rewatched his two previous “mockumentaries”, I decided to go ahead and recap them before reviewing the new one…
In honor of the release of Christopher Guest’s new film A MIGHTY WIND, I have decided to go back and look at some of his previous works. You see, Mr. Guest has carved out quite a little niche for himself working with a particular kind of film that he’s apparently built to perfection…
One thing I get a lot of requests for while maintaining this site is for more reviews of drive-in style B movies of yesteryear. And while the cult film is a perennial favorite of mine, I tend to try and keep up with new releases and throw other various bits up to try and keep the site current…
Here, we prepare to look at a movie in which one of the most respected dramatic actors in history hams it up while one of the industry’s top comedic names plays his counterpart straight down the middle. And no, there’s not another sequel to ANALYZE THIS coming out…
A lot of wrestlers have tried their hand at making it in Hollywood, and, well, the results haven’t really been pretty. There have been a few performances here and there that have been praised by people outside of the general pro wrestling fan base, but not too many career-making thespian efforts, if you catch my drift.
Reprehensible haikus by Chad Shonk
Chad may be a big movie guy now, but he’s still responsible for dragging down the content of this website with his horrible poetry way back in the day. Also, he stole this idea from Terry, which makes him even twice as guilty of horrible crimes against humanity.
Sometimes I think I should be a little bit more timely on my review schedule here at Movie Criticism for the Retarded. I mean, I guess part of the appeal of doing my own thing with this site and doing more for personal enjoyment and not being employed by some media conglomerate is that I get to make my own rules and can just review any old movie any old time I want to…
I’m not talking pornos here. I’m talking about the best sex scenes in Hollywood films based on:
1. Titilation
2. Cinematography
3. The stars involved.
It also helps if it’s important to the plot of the movie, but it isn’t necessary.
Offensive haikus by Terry Baker
Terry started it. Terry Started it. It’s all his fault that everyone here decided to go the bad poetry route. He should be hung up by his toes and spanked, except that we already cut off his toes for that COUNTRY BEARS article.
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