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Why the Star Wars Special Editions Suck

12 August 2004 by Gnoll 33 Comments

So George Lucas finally bit the bullet and decided to release the original STAR WARS trilogy on DVD. That’s fantastic, no? I mean, finally, after years of waiting, we can finally have digital, pristine, unfading copies of the original three movies that captured our hearts over twenty years ago. Everything is peachy and birds are singing and the world just became a better place, right?

Hell no.

You see, we’re not getting the original STAR WARS trilogy on DVD, despite what Lucasfilm and their gang of cronies would have you believe. Nope, we’re getting the laaaame “Special Editions”, the versions released in 1997 that supposedly captured George Lucas’s “original vision” for the trilogy. Unfortunately, Lucas’s “original vision” is a lot suckier than we would have ever expected, and it left the vast majority of STAR WARS fans screaming for the versions they grew up with to come back.

Now, don’t get me wrong: there are a few positives to come out of the Special Editions. Some technical glitches have been fixed, some antiquated effects were polished, and the print looks more crisp and vibrant. There’s also a scene with Luke Skywalker and Biggs Darklighter from the first of the trilogy, A NEW HOPE, that had been completely cut out from the original print and restored in the Special Edition. It’s important that we know who the hell Biggs is, because otherwise the death of random Rebel pilot #7 getting emotional theme music just leaves you scratching your head. Of course, they still left out the scene from earlier in the movie, before Biggs goes off to join the Rebels, that better illustrates them as old pals, but it was probably a boring scene anyway. But the fact of the matter is that for every tiny little detail used to improve the trilogy, there was a glaring change that took away from the original films’ majesty.

What I’ve decided to do here is look at some of those big ones: the alterations made to the STAR WARS trilogy in the Special Editions that make the films far inferior to their original versions. Here are the top ten examples, in order of appearance, that illustrate my point.

THE “NEW AND IMPROVED” MOS EISLEY.
One of the first noticeable differences in the two versions of the trilogy is the enhancements made to the spaceport town of Mos Eisley on Tattooine. As we approach the town, there are all kinds of shiny new things to catch our eyes. There are ASP droids, not originally in the trilogy. There are little flying droids. There are dozens more Stormtroopers lining the streets. There are new beasts and more interaction with the ones that were there before. There’s Dash Rendar’s ship, The Outrider, from “Shadows of the Empire”. And the end result of all this new stuff? It’s too much shit. It’s distracting, it’s corny, and it shows how much of a whore Lucas is for selling his own merchandise. It’s like “Well, we’ve got these Shadows of the Empire and Expanded Universe toys on the shelf, but little kids don’t read the books, so let’s make sure to put ’em in the movie to sell more toys!” Whatever. It’s ridiculous. A little enhancement goes a long way, and too much enhancement isn’t a tough goal to reach.

GREEDO SHOOTS FIRST.
Okay, you’re George Lucas. You’ve created the most popular trilogy of movies in history. Part of the reason for that popularity is the cool characters. In particular, you’ve got the rugged and heroic space pirate Han Solo. Now, let’s say you have a scene between said character and a Bounty Hunter who aims to kill him. Would you say that it makes the spiffy pirate guy seem
cooler if, say, he outsmarted the creepy Bounty Hunter and blew his head off first, or rather if the Bounty Hunter shot first, missed, and then the pirate fires back in self-defense. Yeah, I thought so. In the original edition, Han Solo shoots first. It rules. It got cheers from crowds. So Lucas “fixes” this by having him be a trembling coward who only fires as a last resort. My theater actually booed the scene. Lucas says that the new version better represents his “vision of the scene”. If that’s the case, then I’m wondering if Lucas also originally indicated for Darth Vader to have a puppy. Would have been about the same for dismantling the coolness of a character.

JABBA THE HUTT IN A NEW HOPE.
One of the things I was looking forward to the most when the announcement of the Special Editions was originally made was the fact that the scene with Jabba the Hutt in Mos Eisley that had been cut from the original print was to be restored. This scene could only improve things, said I. Unfortunately, I was quite underwhelmed. For starters, Jabba the Hutt just doesn’t look right. He’s not nearly as fat and disgusting as he is in RETURN OF THE JEDI. He’s quite a sprightly slug here, moving about like a star athlete. I guess you could make some argument that he’s supposed to be younger here, but he looks the same in the THE PHANTOM MENACE, and that’s supposed to be a forty year difference as opposed to the three years between A NEW HOPE and JEDI. There’s also the fact that they add so much slapstick to the scene. Where Han Solo stepped on a cable in the original footage (which featured a fat Irish guy playing the part of Jabba,) they now show him stepping on Jabba’s tail, which causes him to bug his eyes out like a cartoonish frog. Sure, there was a funny moment or two in the scene (Jabba asking why Han fried poor Greedo and Han reusing the “sometimes I get boarded” line) but overall it served no purpose other than to give the CG animators something to put on their resumes.

BOBA FETT MUGS FOR THE CAMERA.
At the end of the Jabba scene, an ominous bounty hunter dressed in colorful armor appears and looks directly at the audience. He’s Boba Fett, the guy who captured Solo in the second movie. When THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK was first released, Fett was an afterthought; a mere peripheral character who was later scripted to die like a little bitch at the hands of a blind man. But the character took on a life of its own when he garnered a cult following. As a result, Lucas decided to cowtow to these rabid fans by inserting him in a gratuitous cameo here (and later went so far as to give the guy a back story in the prequels.) Now don’t get me wrong — I’m a bit of a Fett fan myself, but it doesn’t stop me from realizing that the guy’s mystique was the majority of his charm. In other words, we didn’t want a backstory, and we sure didn’t need him acting like some drunk guy who’s trying to get his face on the local news.

RING AROUND THE EXPLODING PLANETS.
Digital enhancements can be a plus, but they can also make you roll your eyes. Take, for instance, the destruction of Princess Leia’s home planet of Alderaan in A NEW HOPE. I was perfectly content with the old-fashioned explosion from the original trilogy, but Lucas said “that ain’t good enough”. In the Special Editions, he enhanced this explosion with a shock wave ring blasting away from the planet. You probably said to yourself, “Where have I seen that before?” I’ll tell you where.: STAR TREK VI, when the Klingon moon Praxis gets blown up. The day that Lucas starts lifting ideas from Star Trek movies is the day he first starts showing signs of being creatively bankrupt. Lucas wasn’t content just to use the effect on Alderaan, either. Both Death Stars being blown up were given the same effect.

WINDOWS IN BESPIN.
As we move on to THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, we see the film least altered of the trilogy. The reason behind this is simply because it’s the superior film of the trilogy to begin with. There were a few minor alterations, though, one being the “new and improved” Cloud City on Bespin. Particularly, the addition of windows within the city to allow for more views of the colorful backdrop. Now, I’m not totally against the idea of adding these windows, but if you’re going to do it, at least try and maintain a modicum of continuity. The windows have a “now you see it, now you don’t” thing going on, where they appear and then disappear within seconds.

LUKE SCREAMS AS HE FALLS.
Like I said, EMPIRE has fewer changes made to it, but this one’s a doooozy. You see, there’s this huge scene at the film’s climax where Darth Vader reveals to Luke Skywalker his true identity. Luke, knowing that his father has been consumed by evil, refuses to join him. In fact, he’d rather take his chances leaping into the unknown than join his father. Or, at least, that’s how it was in the original trilogy. In the Special Edition, Luke slips. At least that’s what the distressed scream he lets out as he falls would have you believe. Either way, it kills the momentum of the scene as dead as Alec Guinness.

THE NEW MAX REBO BAND SONG.
The song performed at Jabba’s Palace by Sy Snootles and the Max Rebo Band in the original STAR WARS editions, entitled “Lapti Nek”, is utterly cheesy. And frankly, that’s the way us STAR WARS fans like it. We love the Muppety™ special effects and the goofy song with the chorus that sounds like it’s going “Aaaaabe Vigoda!” over and over again. We like the three-piece band consisting of the funny elephant guy on synthesizer, the lumpy guy with the flute, and the long-lipped singer chick with exposed alien boobies. We don’t need no Computer-generated dancing and screaming hairy thing joining in on vocals. We don’t need no 27-piece orchestra backing them up. We don’t need no new song called “Jedi Rocks”. We don’t need no steeenking Vaudeville numbers in our STAR WARS movies, thankyouverymuch.

THE SARLACC HAS A BEAK.
Am I grasping at straws here? Perhaps. I mean, the addition of a mouth to the creature that dwells in the Great Pit of Carkoon doesn’t seem like a big deal in the long run, but it was one of the things I really had to shake my head at when I first saw it. Part of what made the Sarlacc monster so menacing was the fact that you couldn’t really tell what was in that pit. There were tentacles to pull you in, but it was just this huge mysterious gaping hole that had no visible end. The idea of being slowly digested by the Sarlacc’s digestive juices, as described by C-3PO, is much more chilling than being snapped in half by a beak. Again, it may seem like a nitpick, but it’s a perfect example of adding things where they just weren’t necessary. And because I didn’t have anywhere else to put it, I’d also like to use this spot to mention how fucking retarded it was to change Han Solo’s cool line “It’s all right. Trust me. Don’t move” into the ridiculous “It’s all right. I can see a lot better.” The smart-assed Han Solo is toned down even at the point where our hero’s fate seems to be sealed.

NEW EWOK SONG.
As much as STAR WARS fans bich about the Ewoks, we realize that they are indeed unavoidable. And over the years, we’ve come to enjoy our little victory celebration song at the end of the trilogy. Sing it with me: Yub-yub, ee-cha, yub-yub. So what they hell do they do in the Special Editions, but replace the song with some stupid Yanni-sounding new age thing that, if at all possible, sucks worse than the original Ewok song ever dreamed of sucking. I think what cheeses me off the most is that they took the time and effort to delete the Ewok song, why not just delete the Ewoks altogether? If you’re gonna change things, at least change the things that need to be changed.

So with all of this said, I’ll go ahead and address the main point here: George Lucas can release all the DVD versions of his “Special (and by Special, I mean “special” in the way you describe child that drools a lot and bangs its head on doors voluntarily) Edition” he wants, and he won’t get a dime from me for ’em. There are tons of people excited about this release announcement, but I ain’t one of them. I’ll stick with my VHS copies of the original trilogies. I think I have enough copies of them to get me through a few decades.

33 Comments »

  • robert said:

    So, Noel if you like star wars so much why are you critisizing it so much? the song at the end of Rotj is just fine and it is sooooo much better than this yub yub whatever.
    And about jabba the hutt hutts live for hundreds of years old,so why would they change in 40 years? but there is one thing i should admit, luke screaming when he is falling in bespin is kinda stupid but why all this critcism?

  • Joshua said:

    “Robert” first off, if he’s hundreds of years old, why did he change so little in between Phantom Menace and A New Hope (about 25 years), yet went through a massive transition from A New Hope to Return of the Jedi. (about 5 years) Being hundreds of years old doesn’t answer that.

    Secondly he’s criticizing it because the Star Wars movies were herealded as great the way they were. The add-ons are just completely unnecessary.

  • Cj Cassisi said:

    the reason Jabba changed in appearance is because in hutt culture, girth is a sign of power and prestige. Jabba was just being a big fatass from ANH to ROTJ, sitting on his ass and eating tons of crap. then i think he was the official leader of the hutt crime family after he met with Han.
    Go to youtube and search for “george lucas raped our childhood”

  • DogmA said:

    What Lucas did to these films is the equivalent of Tarantino coming back in twenty years and changing around the dialogue of Pulp Fiction, maybe even adding some digital effects to it, I don’t know, Travolta’s CG intestines flying out when Butch feeds it to him, something ridiculous like that. When you’ve got a film that’s received international acclaim and might be one of the top five films OF ALL TIME, you just don’t fuck with it. As it’s been said before, one of the things that was so amazing with the original trilogy is that THERE WERE NO CG EFFECTS. It was ALL little models and live action, and that is one of the primary reasons it was so amazing. NO ONE does that anymore. And now Lucas is trying to make us forget that he ever did it. Better than anyone ever had or ever will, on top of that. The only addition that he should have made was the Alderan/Death Stars blowing up sequences. I just have a problem with an entire planet blowing up and then fading to empty space within seconds. The shock wave was cheesy, though…

  • LEE said:

    You are all talking crap, the SE were fantastic and enhanced the original films, not ruins them. I was there in 77, 80 & 83 saw these films and loved them. The SE’s have just made me love them even more. The CG is incredible, the work that went into them is unbelievable.

    If these versions had been the originals, you saddos wouldn’t be whining, you’d be praising.

    If you don’t like these films then you hacve no right calling yourself a STar Wars fan.

  • abe said:

    Noel unfortunatly is a twat with no taste, please forgive him. He had a lobotomy when he was 12 and he is now unable to to see an excellent film even when it hits him in the face. He ain’t no Star wars fan, if he was, he wouldn’t be writing the above shit!!!!

  • Noel said:

    Hey, abe/LEE, you can change your posting handle all you want, but it doesn’t hide to those of us who have access to your IP (hi, 62.6.149.17!) that you’re replying to yourself.

    We get it. You think everything with the name Star Wars on it is flawless, and refuse to accept any other opinions. That’s fine and all, but that’s not how we run things around here.

    But I guess we have to accept your kind, since we do write “For the Retarded”.

  • LEE said:

    Oh Knowall, Is that the best you can do, oh dear rather pathetic, then again it is you. And i think you will find it is the majority who think everything with the name Star Wars is flawless, hence them being such a success. If they were as bad as you say they are would they not have bombed at the pictures, would those that had seen these films thought “They were crap, i ain’t purchasing them on DVD” yet that didn’t happen. HMMMMMMMM i wonder why!!! Because muppet they were good films. Doesn’t take a genius to work it out, then again a muppet like you needs to have everything spelt out for them. Oh and i think you will find that someone who sets up a website just so he can slag off good movies is not only a retard but rather SAD!!!!

    Poor little you, i suppose saddos have to get there pleasure somewhere. DIDDUMS!!!!

  • Noel said:

    And i think you will find it is the majority who think everything with the name Star Wars is flawless, hence them being such a success

    Yeah, this pretty much tells us everything we need to know. In order to enjoy something, you think one must think it’s flawless.

    Very few films are flawless.

    Wait, no films are flawless.

    It’s still possible to enjoy ones that carry a certain number of flaws. The first three Star Wars movies are fantastic, and were fantastic the first go ’round. That doesn’t mean that they don’t have flaws. Some of the flaws were worth fixing. Others, well, they were part of the charm, and any attempt at fixing them becomes a flaw unto itself.

    Nevermind. You’re too stupid to debate. You’ll never understand the simple nuances of critical interpretation, no matter how many people try and explain it to you. Enjoy nymshifting to try to make it look like you’ve got someone on your side, Mr. 62.6.149.17.

    At least it makes me feel better about America, knowing that there are Brits out there as retarded as you are.

    By the way, were you going for an intentional irony by using the nonword “spelt”? If so, brah-vo.

  • LEE said:

    Critical interpretation? That’s a long word for you and complete crap which ironically is what you talk. All you do is slag off films and resent the success of said films so you have to set up a childish website so poor little Knowall can get back at nasty mr Lucas and what he did to the Star Wars films, DIDDUMS DID THE NASTY MAN UPSET YOU!!!! you ain’t worth my time, perhaps when you grow up the world will seem a better place.

    By the way Abe is friend of mine who agrees with me on this subject and wanted to put his feelings down so i let him. Got it wrong again Knowall. You probably don’t know what it’s like to have friends apart from the palm of your hand.

    I did wonder how one person could have absolutely no taste whatsoever. Now i know, you are a yank, says it all. Thanks for clearing that up. The word SAD really doesn’t do you justice, my guess is you get alot worse from other people, being a yank it is to be expected.

    The facts speak for themselves, i am right, you are wrong. Now go have your tantrum somewhere else boy, leave the mature stuff to the grownups muppet!!!

  • Noel said:

    Yes, Abe is your “friend”. Your “friend” who has the same e-mail address and shares the same computer and has the exact same writing style.

    Uh huh.

    And by the way, don’t try to pull the “you have no friends card” on a bunch of friends who run a web site. It’s just. Not. Logical.

    By the way, if I have “no taste whatsoever”, then what about you? After all, I love the Star Wars films, and so do you.

    Also, you should look up the word “ironic” before you misuse it in a sentence again, Alanis.

    Finally, we here at Movie Criticism for the Retarded are big fans of the muppets; therefore, calling me one is not much of an insult.

    Now go away, or I shall be forced to taunt you a second time.

  • LEE said:

    I’ve always thought you yanks were thick but you have proved that point and more. Gosh a friend couldn’t possibly use my computer to write his own opinion could he? As i said before, if you have no friends you probably wouldn’t understand the concept. The ‘friends’ who run this website with you tolerate you but don’t like you, believe me, how could they you are a fuckwit.

    Love the star wars films?, have you read YOUR above article, plus every review you have written about every Star wars film on this site, pigshit is less thick than you. if that is what you call loving the Star Wars films then you really need to see a shrink. That what you yanks do when you have no life.

    I’m sorry you can’t read proper english, not a surprise really, you yanks have been mangling our language up for years. I also ain’t surprise that irony is lost on you, it takes brains and as the whole world knows you yanks are way down on the evolutionary scale. Look at who your president is.

    You yanks are also so easy to wind up, you say you ain’t bothered by my comments yet you still keep biting. So predictable.

    Like iraq this is yet another war you won’t win.

    Wind them up and watch them go………………

  • Noel said:

    It’s really a great service we do for people like you. Keep reading, Lee/abe, because you’re exactly the target audience for a site entitled “Movie Criticism for the Retarded”.

  • LEE said:

    OHHH you bit again, as predicted.

    This is just too easy!!!!!

    Thanks so much, i’ve met some thick people in my time but you hold the crown for sheer stupidity, i’m amaze you can walk and talk at the same time or string a coherent sentence together (or not as your above article proves and your childish insults!!!)

    Perhaps you should rename your site ” Movie Criticism by the Retarded” Best sums you up.

    See yer Loser!!!!!!!!!

  • Noel said:

    Hey, look, I own this site. I have to see your comments. It takes me a few seconds to reply, and that’s it.

    You, on the other hand, seem to hate us and everything we say, which is why it’s quite amusing that all I have to do is reply to you and you come running back again. Every time you hit the site, my numbers go up, I make more ad money, and you look like a jackass.

    So…wanna reply again?

  • LEE said:

    Yea no problem

    I like to do my bit to help the hopelessly thick and permanently stupid.

    You may even to be able to afford that blowup doll you always wanted who will love you like a REAL girl.

    I don’t hate you at all, I pity you. Don’t call yourself a fan of something when all you do is slag it off. Simple really. And reading some other people’s comments on this site, i am not the only one who thinks this way.

    Just beacause you see my comments doesn’t mean you have to reply, so really who’s the jackass???????

    Better luck next time sucker!!!!

  • Noel said:

    Hook. Line. Sinker.

    Oh, hey, look, more page views! Google and Amazon ads just keep going cha-ching! It’s like a cash register with numbers just going up and up. Thanks, LEE/abe, you’re putting money right in my pocket.

    LEE abe replies in 5, 4, 3…

  • LEE said:

    And he bites again!!!

    Sorry it took me 2 days to reply, been out having a life, not that i expect you to understand that. Sitting at your little computer everyday waiting for me to reply just so you can come up with yet more immature comments that gives you that little buzz inside, feeling all superior for those few precious minutes.

    Don’t bother me i am putting money in your pocket, how else you gonna afford that male hooker, let’s be honest it’s the only way you’ll ever get any. Gives the old wrist a rest don’t it.

    By the way dickwad it’s a good job i am on your site, no one else ever comes on here. You’d be getting nothing if it wasn’t for me.

    Always happy to help those less fortunate than myself.

    Abe says hello, still thinks you are a prick. Can’t argue with the obvious can you.

    I await your next obvious reply. Go on bite again!!!!

  • Noel said:

    *yawn*.

    It’s not biting when I own the site and see your replies automatically. Approving comments is something that takes up about 5 minutes of my day.

    I see you’re now replying to other posts too, and being retarded there as well.

    You are truly the perfect reader for our site. We don’t call it “Movie Criticism For the Retarded” for nothing.

  • LEE said:

    So knowall you’ve employed a parrot now, repeating things you’ve already said. Well i guess it’s no surprise, original thought isn’t your strong point.

    I do agree on the YAWN point though, it is quite tiresome and boring to keep watching you bite, but then it’s you isn’t it.

    Oh well that’s you done for the day, now you can spend the other 23 hours 55mins as you usually do visiting mrs thumb and her 4 daughters.

    Enjoy loser!!!

  • LEE said:

    Just seen a photo of you Knowall

    I am so so sorry.

    You obviously have more problems than i thought you did.

    Word of advice: When a man is the wrong side of 30, it is not a good idea to dress like a teenager, set up rather childish websites and hang around with people who are alot younger than you. Oh the rather sad earrings are not good etheir.

    I do hope your mid life crisis comes to end soon.

    You really have no right criticising anyone or anything.

  • Noel said:

    Earrings? I’ve never worn them. Perhaps you are thinking of someone else, or (most likely) really are retarded.

    By the way, I think it’s hysterical that you’re replying to yourself again, taking personal shots, and visiting daily (multiple times each day! Having your IP address and the site statistics sure is neat). It soothes my heart to know that a few words on a web site obsess you so very much.

    Remember, your comments come to my inbox, since I moderate the site. You seek this shit out on your own. You’ve no right to ever call anyone else a loser.

  • LEE said:

    I admit i was wrong, the other guy must be you which is even sadder.

    I should have said when a man is the wrong side of 40.

    I ain’t the one still trying to be a kid you very sad man.

    At least you admit the stuff you wrote is shit, hey you on the way to actually acting your age.

    Oh here’s something i suggest you try, it maybe difficult at first but with practice it should become easier.

    When someone next asks you if you want a burger say NO THANK YOU. It will do you the world of good.

    at a risk of repeating myself because you STILL don’t understand, i really don’t care if my comments go to your inbox, a porn site or timbuktoo, the fact you keep biting proves that i’m not the one who is obsessed. You wrote the shit article ranting about Star wars not me.

    I was right the first time LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Noel said:

    Dear idiot:

    I’m nowhere near 40. I don’t know where you’re seeking pictures of me, but doing so further proves both your stupidity and your obsession with me. It’s quite telling that you are bothered so much by me that you need to seek out pictures so you can make ad hominem attacks.

    You don’t seem to get it — if I’m sitting at home, and you come by every day to try and get a rise out of me, and I reply to you, I’m not the one who’s the obsessed loser. This is my site. I own it. I don’t have to seek out your replies. You have to seek out mine, though, and you do it. A lot. A whole lot. You just don’t get it, do you? I have every record of every visit you make to the site.

    You visited my site 7 (OMG seven!) times in one day. Holy crap. You’re obsessed with me. It’s a good thing I have your IP and e-mail address, because I’m *this* close to contacting Scotland Yard to let them know you exist, you creepy freak.

  • LEE said:

    YAWN!!!
    You are not over 40, oh dear time has not been kind to you.

    Calling me names And making threats because you aren’t winning the arguement is pathetic, then i really didn’t expect anything else.

    Don’t worry, i don’t want to make you cry, i will leave you to do whatever you do. Not alot judging by this sad website.

    Bye Bye saddo!!!

  • Fat_Hippo said:

    Wow, Lee…you’re just sad. This guy owns this site, and surely has fun doing it, and is so entitled to write about whatever he feels like. He writes an article, with his own personal opinions, because some people (like myself) are actually somwehat entertained reading them. I don’t agree with all of them, but hey, they are just his opinions. Of course you can disagree, but your insults are just plain childish, completely irreleavant to anything whatsoever, and really, just show that you still have some growing up, at least emotionally, to do. I just don’t see what you’re trying to achieve coming here, and trying to put this guy dwon, while he doesn’t even have to break a sweat repeatedly rebuffing your pathetic insults.
    And what the hell is up with you dissing the americans? I’m not american, but what is the point of all this racism? Really, I doubt you even know many, if any, americans, and so, you have no right to judge them. This racism is exactly the kind of stuff that should be dissapearing in the modern world, when considering that america is just one flight away, and vice versa. Really, this tirade of yours against Noel is just said…though he doesn’t semm to care. After all: Your time is his money.

    P.S. Im Swiss, if you care…gonna insult my heritage now too?

  • Nate said:

    Just want to say a shout out to LEE? You are a FUCK FOR BRAIN DUMB SHIT BRIT WITH A GIANT STICK OF “GO FUCK YOURSELF” JAMMED SQUARELY UP YOUR BRIT ASS YOU POMPOUS DUMB SHIT! You really think BRITS are sooooo superior to American, You populous has been inbred for years. Your royal family is so inbred at this point I think the next generation should have an extra arm or eye or whatever, I think we should have let Hitler bomb the fucking shit out of your crappy island and should have let the Nazi kill you and your ungrateful fucking race ASSHOLE. THINK ABOUT THAT FUCKWAD! I had people in my bloodline die so that you can be alive today. SO YOU CAN TAKE A SHARP STICK AND JAM IT UP YOUR ASS AND BREAK IT OFF YOU FUCKING ENGLISH BITCH!

  • Gary B said:

    Lucas should have just did the SE in moderation. Touch up space battles fine. Lucas went overboard and gave us a warning of things to come in the prequels.

    I for one hate the expanded Mos Eisley, the original cut gave you an impression this was some small dump town that was pretty much a small rest stop populated by smugglers, mercenaries, bounty hunters. It went well living up to the “the retched hive of scum and villainy” line dby Obi Wan. This was a port of call for transients with only a few locals who were there just to do business with whatever riff raff was coming through.

    Lucas did this because he realized that Star wars was the only thing he had to stand on besides Indy. He managed to rape that with the latest film.

  • Kschenke said:

    The only reason I have the special editions is to watch the Rifftrax with them… but I still got the special editions that came with the theatrical editions (which were released after this article was written).

    The real injustice (which might have been added even after this article as well)? That Hayden Christensen replaced the man who played unmasked Vader during the last moments of Return of the Jedi… it makes me squirm every time I see it.

  • Danny said:

    Ok, I could handle most of these things being changed. The ring shockwave looked cool imo, and I could even deal with Greedo shooting first. But the max rebo band song is TERRIBLE. You could translate it and release it as an actual song and no one would listen to it.

  • ACE said:

    NOEL HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD, HE TOUCHED ON EVERY ISSUE I HAD WITH THE 1997 SPECIAL EDITION RELEASES…
    I WAITED IN LINE FOR HOURS WHEN EACH FILM WAS ORIGINALLY RELEASED, EACH IS A MASTERPIECE IN IT’S OWN RITE…
    WHY FUCK WITH THEM???
    NOW WITH THE BLU-RAY RELEASES HE JUST COULDN’T LEAVE THEM ALONE, HE HAD TO DO IT AGAIN…
    I HAVE TO SAY THE ORIGINAL THEATRICAL RELEASES ARE THE BEST, LUCAS SHOULD HAVE NEVER CHANGED A THING…
    LEE/ABE YOU’RE A TOOL, YOU JUST DON’T SEEM TO GRASP THE CONCEPT THAT NOEL OWNS THIS PAGE AND CAN WRITE ABOUT WHATEVER HE FEELS LIKE WRITING, ATLEAST HE IS CASHING IN ON YOUR DUMBASS…

  • Caroline said:

    If you fell thousands of feet, you’d scream too

  • blank said:

    @Caroline; thats not the point. The point is it was so much cooler when he didnt scream, cuz it was kinda like a “fuck you, dad” and he just let go. i like to think he was pretty sure he was going to die and didnt even care. the scream totally ruins that for me.

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