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[2 Jul 2010 | 2 Comments | ]
Top <strike>Ten</strike> <i>Thirteen</i> Movies To Enjoy on Independence Day

These aren’t necessarily movies about patriotism or America’s greatness, they’re just movies that I think are specifically appropriate to this weekend. Movies that, while you’re watching them, will inspire you to say, “America… fuck, yeah!”…

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[11 May 2010 | 4 Comments | ]
The Top Ten Junk Shots in Cinema History

Is this gay? Maybe a little, but somehow TB and I stumbled across the concept during a phone conversation about Skype. It seemed really funny at the time, and what with the king of dick jokes being kicked off a plane for his unseemly girth I thought it a timely topic. Okay, maybe that’s a stretch. Regardless, here’s your penises…

Reviews »

[23 Apr 2010 | No Comment | ]
TV Review: Doctor Who – The Eleventh Hour

Thanks to the fact that David Tennant was kind enough to end his run as everybody’s favorite Time Lord with a series of awesome episodes that were ultimately pretty big downers, I was way more excited for this new Doctor than I would have expected. As great as Tennant’s final telemovies are, they were kind of exhausting to watch, what with the pall of his imminent departure hanging over them…

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[15 Apr 2010 | No Comment | ]
Doctor Who’s Greatest Hits

I was going to write a history of Doctor Who, but Wikipedia has a done a perfectly good job of that already. After abandoning that idea, I started a piece about why I loved the show so much. I got a couple of paragraphs in and realized my posts throughout the week would pretty much cover that.

So today I bring you, The Retarded, a list of the ten very best episodes of Doctor Who; with a special treat at the end for those who make it. It ain’t Jelly Babies, but it’s something.

Articles »

[25 Mar 2010 | One Comment | ]
A Brief History of Wrestling Toys

’ve been collecting toys pretty much since I was a kid. It all started with Star Wars, then a bit of He-Man. GI Joe will always be the big toy love of my life. When Joe waned in the 90’s, I got into Ninja Turtles and then the Batman: The Animated Series stuff. Things have just sort of snowballed since then, what with the collector boom in the mid-90s

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[23 Mar 2010 | 6 Comments | ]
Top Ten Movies Featuring Wrestlers

You’ll notice this isn’t “Top Ten Movies Starring Wrestlers”. If it was, the list would be a bunch of Rock movies and They Live. Flicks with wrestlers above the title don’t tend to be all that great – No Holds Barred, anybody? No? How about Sting’s movie? Did anybody even see that one…

Movie Reviews, Reviews »

[17 Mar 2010 | No Comment | ]
Thirst (2009)

Dear foreign people,

Stop making boring fucking movies.


Phantom Troublemaker…

Movie Reviews, Reviews »

[12 Mar 2010 | 2 Comments | ]
The Final Destination (2009)

I don’t hate the franchise that produced this movie. The original Final Destination was a fun, original movie. I can’t say it’s one of my favorites, but I do own it and have definitely watched it more than once. I groaned along with everybody else when the second one was announced. Did this premise really need to be revisited? Yeah, it did. Final Destination 2 gave us one of the most memorable opening sequences since Saving Private Ryan. Think I’m exaggerating? Go watch it right now and then try driving down the interstate without becoming extremely nervous…

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[26 Feb 2010 | No Comment | ]
My Ten Best Movies

This list was a little easier than the one about movies that should die. The only tough part here was trimming it down to ten. One major difference between the two lists is that I am going to step up and list my favorites in order of preference. Any time I am writing something like this I use a simple “would I rather” system; as in, “Would I rather watch Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie or Citizen Kane?” Obviously, GPK moves further up the list…

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[19 Feb 2010 | 4 Comments | ]
Ten Movies That Should Die

I have a wretchedly boring job that occurs in twelve hour shifts, so I am somewhat prolific against my will. I want to entertain, but my main motivation is making time go by. This means that there is not much of an editorial process between my brain and my fingers. What you read is pretty much how the thought occurred to me. My facts may not always be right and my tone certainly may not always be nice, but I think it is more fun for everybody if you get honest, unfiltered me. Except, of course, for the fact that I write from under a mask and a silly pseudonym…