Well, it’s been a while since I’ve actually gone and actually put any effort towards updating this site, but something got the home fires burning and it’s time to get things going again. I’m not sure what it is exactly…
I just realized recently that in two months it will be the fifteenth anniversary of the original theatrical release of one of my all-time favorite movies, TRANSFORMERS. Not that this is something I was pondering at my own free time, but glancing around certain web resources I noticed that this monumental occurrence was about to take place…
LOST HIGHWAY is a killer movie. In my humble opinion, it is secondary only to BLUE VELVET for the honor of best David Lynch film. I’ve seen it half a dozen times myself, I recommend it to friends whenever I get the chance, but one thing still bothers me…
Yes, I realize that elsewhere on this site, there’s a casting call for a non-existent G.I.Joe live-action movie starring some of the biggest names in Hollywood. But many years ago, there actually WAS a G.I.Joe movie…
The initial reaction from my friends was enough to make you think I’d just admitted to murdering their parents. First a look of shock, then the paleness in their faces, to the uttering of the now-famous words: “You actually LIKED a Patrick Swayze movie?”
A friend of mine who often has pretty good tastes once raved about how hysterical this movie was. So one night, after being bored with everything else in the video store and just having seen too many movies where I actually had to use my brain, I opted to rent this one as a pure escape…
Well, I was initially thinking about occupying this area with two simple words and carrying on with my business. But I felt “Sucks, next!” was a little too good for this review, when I could just as easily tell you why I feel that way…
Finally, a movie with a message. A movie with a message that when they put their minds to it, a group of retards can band together to save the day…
Idiots. Degenerates. Assholes. Uncouth, disrespectful bottom-feeders who almost ruined the entire movie experience for me. Troglodytic ingrates who had the nerve to ruin an art form that I so adore by acting like rabid animals.
First off, a personal note. This is the first film I’ve reviewed in retarded mode in a year and a half, since the video store where the concept was born shut its doors. So if this sucks, bear with me, I’m just trying to be like Stella and get my groove back…
There’s always another choice. At least lately. There have been several instances as of late where two films have hit around the same time that both deal with a similair subject. Here I will compare and contrast these films, and tell you which one you’d be wiser to invest your hard-earned dollar in seeing.
Holy Shit. That talking pig again. How the hell did they do that? Well. Very well. Damned near to pefection, if you ask me. I don’t mean that they served him up with pineapple rings and an apple in his mouth, I mean the movie itself…
You know what sucks? Every time I’m watching RETURN OF THE JEDI and really getting in to it when Luke jumps off the speeder bike and lays the smack down on that biker scout, those goddamn Ewoks have to come along and fuck everything up…
The truth is boring. A couple of months ago, I remember some customer telling me that they liked FARGO because it was based on a true story. And I was like, yeah, that’s kind of cool that that’s a true story…
Luc Besson’s pet project, the most expensive film in European history, THE FIFTH ELEMENT could have been a great movie. Yeah, I know, coulda woulda fuckin’ shoulda…
Okay, it’s not a great movie. Okay, it’s actually shit. It ain’t CITIZEN KANE. It ain’t ANNIE HALL. It ain’t even THE GOONIES (see earlier articles on SUPERMAN and INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM or Noel Wood’s upcoming essay “Richard Donner is a Fucking Pussy”)…
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