STAR WARS EPISODE VI: RETURN OF THE JEDI 1983, Dir. Richard Marquand 134 min. Rated PG. Starring: Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Billy Dee Williams. Review by Bobby

You know what sucks? Every time I’m watching RETURN OF THE JEDI and really getting in to it when Luke jumps off the speeder bike and lays the smack down on that biker scout, those goddamn Ewoks have to come along and fuck everything up. It almost makes you want to cut out all the parts with the Ewoks in them and splice your tape back together. Sure, it would fuck up the continuity, but that’s a small price to pay to rid yourself of those fucking Ewoks. Hey, for the Special Edition, wouldn’t it have been cool if they had taken out the Ewoks and replaced them with Robear Burbles? Hell yea.

Editor’s retort: While you’ll be lucky if anyone understands the Robear Burbles comment, you present an interesting argument. I myself am planning on removing all scenes with Jar-Jar Binks from my Episode one video myself and replacing them with Chris Tucker from FRIDAY. That will certainly put Episode one up there with Empire.

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