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A Hip Hop Tribute to the Greatest Star Wars Character Ever

27 April 2007 by Gnoll 2 Comments

I was a badass Quara Aqualish
Livin’ on Ando and chompin down fish
Only three fingers on my sharped clawed hands
But my facial tusks look like sex glands

I’m Ponda Baba, can’t you understand
Don’t you go callin’ me Walrusman
Working as a smuggler, a pirate thug
Striking fear in motherfuckers with my ugly mug

Thought about repentin’, ditchin’ my past
When I saw some dude gettin’ shot by Jodo Kast
Doctor Evazan, You couldn’t have missed him
He had the death sentence in twelve damn systems

Kast was gonna catch him and collect some riches
But now me and the Doctor get the Twi’lek bitches
Went to Mos Espa huntin’ female cookies
But all we found there were some dudes and Wookies

So we just chilled, drank some Juri juice
After two or three we were feelin’ pretty loose
Shootin’ the shit and makin’ new friends
Thought about hittin’ on the Tonnika twins

Some dude in the corner was sellin’ deathsticks
And a female rodian was in the head turnin tricks.
Off in the distance I could hear a noise
Wuher looked over and he yelled “No droids”

Some punk tried to play me and so I had to fight
But motherfucker’s friend was a Jedi Knight
I guess he didn’t go for my Quara charm
Cause the motherfuckin Jedi sliced off my arm

It’s hard to be a pirate with a missing hand
The doctor tried to fix me but it just didn’t pan
Now I chill alone on planet Ando
Wishin I’s as famous as Han and Lando


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