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[26 Feb 2003 | No Comment | ]

I’m not afraid to tell you that I was shaking going in to see DAREDEVIL. “Why?” you ask? Has Hollywood finally turned Chad into a cokehead? Well, of course, but that’s not why I was shaking. Do you have some sort of palsy? Well, maybe, but that’s not it either. I was shaking because I was so fucking scared of this movie…

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[29 Jan 2003 | No Comment | ]

I am also officially declaring 2002 as “The Year of Gere.” I have never been a fan of Richard Gere, but in 2002 he starred in two fantastic films (CHICAGO & UNFAITHFUL) and one pretty good one (THE MOTHMAN PROPHECIES) and delivered incredible performances in all three. As a token of good will, I swear to never make another joke about his posterior in its relation to gerbils ever again. Bravo.

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[7 Jul 1998 | One Comment | ]

A rose is a rose is a rose? Bullshit.

Movie Reviews »

[2 Jul 1998 | No Comment | ]

The truth is boring. A couple of months ago, I remember some customer telling me that they liked FARGO because it was based on a true story. And I was like, yeah, that’s kind of cool that that’s a true story…

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[2 Jul 1998 | 2 Comments | ]

Luc Besson’s pet project, the most expensive film in European history, THE FIFTH ELEMENT could have been a great movie. Yeah, I know, coulda woulda fuckin’ shoulda…

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[22 Jun 1998 | 2 Comments | ]

Okay, it’s not a great movie. Okay, it’s actually shit. It ain’t CITIZEN KANE. It ain’t ANNIE HALL. It ain’t even THE GOONIES (see earlier articles on SUPERMAN and INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM or Noel Wood’s upcoming essay “Richard Donner is a Fucking Pussy”)…

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[15 Jun 1998 | No Comment | ]

The following is a transcript from a story meeting held by the producers of AIR FORCE ONE sometime in mid-1996. The names have been changed to protect the uninspired. Out of respect for the artform, everything else has remained the same…