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Afraid of Girls

10 May 2007 by Chad 8 Comments

So.  Spider-Man.

I won’t go into a rant about the great things and really crappy things in Spider-Man 3.  You’re probably sick of hearing about it.  I hear you.  Me too.

But some of the feedback on Sp3 has highlighted, for me, a blight on the Geek Kingdom, one I must address.

Harry Knowles, founder of AintItCoolNews, online film critic, who has subbed for Roger Ebert, who gets quoted on movie posters all the time, had this to say in his current review of the film:

“Why does Mary Jane come across as a beautiful naggy bummer to live with and date? BECAUSE Mary Jane is the WRONG girl for Peter Parker. She loves SPIDER-MAN, look at her. She’s just like that cunt Lois Lane, remember when Superman gave up his powers for that twit… what does Lois do, basically you can see her interest instantly wane. She’s a Superman groupie. She likes a flying fuck, and Mary Jane loves the upside down kiss. That’s all these women want, they certainly DON’T want Peter Parker.”

I’m not going to go into the immediate substance of his comment.  Yes, he is painfully wrong about the Mary Jane/Peter Parker love story, and the Lois/Clark story, for that matter, but that’s not the point.  It’s the language he uses, the tone he takes.

There is a very strong misogynistic streak in Geek-dom.  Harry, if you don’t know, is large overweight, 35 year old virgin film geek who lives in Austin Texas.  He is engaged to married soon, and it’s just in time, because almost every review he writes is infused with the backed-up ejaculate that must be clouding his brain.  There is no doubt by reading his reviews that he has severe sexual issues, most, I would guess, along the line of “none of them would touch my peepee so fuck them.”

But Harry’s not the only problem.  I have heard several guys describe of Mary Jane in the film as a ‘bitch’ or ‘shrill’ or a ‘cunt.’  That’s right.  The c-word.  I know many of the people writing this into the cyber-ether are fifteen year olds trying to be cool.  But does this total disrespect of women say something about our culture, about this current generation of kids, or are they simply just mad that they can’t get any action?

Let’s go into the things that make Mary Jane a ‘bitch’: (spoilers to follow)

1. She gets bad reviews for her play.
2. Whenever she tries to talk to her boyfriend about her problems, he changes the subject back around to himself.
3. She gets fired, in a very humiliating way, from said play.
4. She watches her boyfriend kiss another woman in front of an entire city. In fact, he ASKS the other woman to kiss him.
5. It turns out, he knew the other woman and didn’t bother to tell her about that.
6. She gets her life threatened and is blackmailed by a man who rides a green flying snowboard and drinks to comical degrees.
7. After breaking up with her boyfriend, he takes another woman to where Mary Jane works to shove it in her face.
8. What was the last one…let’s see…oh yeah…PETER FUCKING HITS HER.

There is also a strong streak of homophobia in the world of Sci-Fi/Comics/Movie geeks.  I think I know where that comes from.  They think all the time about how great it would be if a girl would just fucking touch their shoulder, and here are these gay dudes, just ignoring the girls that geeks so covet and hooking up with other dudes!  Fucking Fag!

Anyway.

As a geek, I cry foul and ask all others to look at Geek culture.  I ask you to not just call any woman a bitch because she wont’ sleep with you.  I ask you not to go see the latest Eli Roth torture porn extravaganza, that only exists for teenagers to watch hot young girls get torn to pieces.  I ask you to stop supporting Harry Knowles and his AintItCoolNews site as long as he keeps putting up shit like this.

I know, I know.  Who gives a fuck about Harry Knowles?  Well, Hollywood does.  They put his quotes on POSTERS.  The guy that wrote in a review that Blade 2 was better than eating pussy, he gets quoted on movie posters.  He is, deserved or not, a real critic now.

I, for one, am done listening to him.

8 Comments »

  • Fa Cube Itches said:

    Well, Mary Jane (in the movies, not the comics) is a pretty horrid person in the first installment. Consider:

    1. She dates the arrogant bastard simply because he’s the campus stud and has the cool ride.

    2. When she’s with Osborne, she treats him like total dirt. Yes, he makes a hash of everything he tries to do for her, but he is trying to do right by her.

    The MJ of the comic books is a sweetheart. The MJ of the movies, not so much. There really is no compelling reason for Peter to like her. It seems like the writers kind of misfired on her character early and failed to make her sympathetic in any way, other than giving her an abusive father.

  • ChadShonk (author) said:

    I’m not arguing for or against the Mary Jane they have created. I agree that there have been some mistakes made in her characterization.

    All I’m attempting to point out is that, in the context of Spiderman 3, she is a good person, who cares for Peter beyond her own well being. Take, for example, when she shows up at his door after learning about the whole (stupid and franchise wrecking) Flint Marko/Uncle Ben thing. Despite being hurt by him, despite being mad at him, despite him acting like a total jackass lately, she cares for him so much, she shows up to make sure he’s okay. That’s called love.

    My major beef here has nothing to do with the film. It has to do with geek-boy woman haters like Harry Knowles, who call Mary Jane a ‘bitch’ and a ‘cunt’ because she complains when Peter treats her like shit. Don’t get me wrong. I like that he treats her like shit. It’s one of the only compelling elements of a pretty crappy movie. But HE is in the wrong. HE is awful to her. HE is, for a large part of the movie, the bad guy.

    I’m just tired of guys like Knowles, who know absolutely nothing about women, attempting to comment on the behavior and treatment of women in films. They should just stick to what they know: masturbation, pizza, and crying themselves to sleep at night.

  • Fa Cube Itches said:

    I agree with your take on Knowles’ arguments that she’s a bitch. He’s well off base with that tack, as she is a better person in the most recent movie, and she clearly cares about Peter, who isn’t exactly the knight in shining armor this time.

    I suspect Knowles is just mad because the MJ character isn’t playing along with how he believes women should act around him – subservient and worshipful towards his godlike writing skill and willing to bang him based on that, whilst overlooking his more obvious shortcomings.

  • Emily said:

    Omg Chad–

    I think I just fell in love with you.

    –Emily

  • dillopod said:

    I’m not defending this guy cause he looks like a cock and that blurb from his review is straight-up retarded but dude…does this mean porn isn’t cool anymore?

  • Chad (author) said:

    Depends on the porn. If it has Harry Knowles in it, then, no.

  • dillopod said:

    Dude if you weren’t taken you’d be getting so much tail because of this article. (`_^)

  • Drama_Llama said:

    Gentlemen!

    In conclusion to this war.

    Mary-Jane is a bitch! So get over it U Faggots

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