I EAT YOUR SKIN 1964, dir. Del Tenney 84 min, Not Rated. Starring: William Joyce, Heather Hewitt, Betty Hyatt Linton, Dan Stapleton. Review by Beth

This 60’s campfest also went by names such as Zombie, I Eat Your Flesh, and Voodoo Blood Bath before finally being landed with the odd name of I Eat Your Skin. There is, unfortunately, no skin eating anywhere in the movie, but that shouldn’t stop you from giving it a chance. There is some good fun to be had here, as long as you have very low expectations. Don’t expect a quality movie, just lots of unintentional humor.

I Eat Your Skin opens with a ceremony being performed by some nondescript native types. The aforementioned natives are getting down and funky to some tribal drums when a hot white chick in a bikini shows up and has a weird fit that one can only assume is supposed to pass for dancing. Her horrible gyrations are much more likely to anger their god that to please it, so they cut off her head. And just to be on the safe side they sacrifice a goat (even though it wasn’t dancing) as well. Crazy natives!

Cut to sunny Miami where a smooth playboy novelist named Tom Harris is picking up chicks by a pool. Several people fall into the pool, and some Benny Hill-like ramped up hilarity ensues. Tom’s agent appears abruptly to take him to a remote island owned by an eccentric millionaire (is there any other kind?) to research a new book. Tom is hesitant when his agent tells him about the strange voodoo practices being performed there, but changes his mind when he learns of the large female population on the island. Eager to defile innocent native girls, Tom quickly agrees to the trip.

Tom, the agent, and the agent’s unnecessarily annoying wife fly towards Voodoo Island, but run out of gas and are forced to land on a beach. Luckily, they land on exactly the island they were headed for. Tom wanders off and finds a buxom blonde girl about to be attacked by a zombie who looks like Mr. Potatohead on crack (big bugged out eyes and crusty grey skin). It turns out that this girl is the obligatory hot daughter of the local mad scientist, and she gives Tom way more information about the happenings on the island than she should have access to.

Soon, a zombie plot to grab the last hot white chick on the island unfolds and, for some reason, it’s up to our hero to save her despite the fact that there are several well-armed guards around. When Tom learns that the natives like to sacrifice virgins he decides to protect her in the only way he knows how, by relieving her of her virginity. Tom’s valiant efforts are in vain; however, as the zombies can’t tell the difference between a virgin and the cheap tramp she now is and continue to chase her. The pair seeks out the girl’s father for help, and head off in search of his underground lab. When they arrive we are treated to three minutes of watching them watch the scientist extract venom from snakes. He then disappears from their view into another room where we see the reason he was getting all that snake juice. The venom is what the scientist has been using to create zombies. Most people who get bitten by snakes don’t turn into zombies, so these must be some sort of mutant or super snakes. But before the scientist has time to explain why he’s doing any of this, zombies and natives come crashing into the lab. Honestly, what is the point of having a secret underground lab if everyone knows where it is, and how to get inside?

The suddenly-not-evil scientist sends the young lovers on ahead while he flips a switch on a box with a flashing “danger” light on it. What this box is we are never told, but what it does becomes obvious as the group sails away on a small yacht and see the island explode behind them. We can then finally find out the reason for all of this foolishness. Remember the eccentric millionaire who owned the island? Well, why should you since he was only mentioned maybe twice during the entire movie? It seems that he was forcing the scientist to create an army of zombies to take over the world. And even though the eccentric millionaire is still out there and probably really pissed off at them, they smile inanely and head back to Miami.

Rating: Three out of five Brains.

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