Movie Reviews »

[20 Dec 2002 by Gnoll | One Comment | ]

They say that in the world of “Star Trek”, there’s a rule of thumb when it comes to the movies: The even-numbered ones are way better than the odd-numbered ones. It looks like there’s a similar vibe going on with the “Vacation” franchise of films, except in the reverse…

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[19 Dec 2002 by Gnoll | 2 Comments | ]
The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)

There’s an old adage that we are all meant to learn from our mistakes. If this is indeed the truth, then thank God for “The Star Wars Holiday Special”. But “Wait!”, you say. “I’ve never heard of a Star Wars Holiday Special.” Well, friend, you’d be not the only one. You see, in today’s world, we are meant not to know that such a thing ever existed. But yet, if we set the wayback machine to November 17, 1978, homes across America were preparing to witness the follow-up to last summer’s blockbuster hit STAR WARS, this time right on their own television sets at home. The initial reaction to this special was so terrible that George Lucas ordered that the special never air again, and that all master copies be destroyed…

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[17 Dec 2002 by Gnoll | No Comment | ]

When judging the criteria for what qualifies in the top holiday movies of all time, some folks might question just exactly which holiday THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS best fits under. Is it a Halloween movie, or a Christmas movie…

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[15 Dec 2002 by Gnoll | No Comment | ]

In selecting the top ten movies for this holiday season, there were several films that just didn’t make the final cut. I figured that rather than just let these films go unmentioned, I would give them all a brief glossing over to pay them the little bit of tribute that they may or may not deserve. So here’s a sampling of other holiday favorites, some of which you can still catch in theaters now…

Movie Reviews »

[12 Dec 2002 by Gnoll | 3 Comments | ]

Suprise! Bet you didn’t think you’d be seeing this fine piece of cinematic goodness on this list, and quite so high either. But yes, the subgenre of yuletide slasher flicks has contributed one such film to our Retarded Christmas Top Ten, this one being one of the first to come down to the pike…

Movie Reviews »

[6 Dec 2002 by Gnoll | No Comment | ]

Denis Leary, star of our #10 Retarded Xmas movie THE REF, once said in his stand-up special No Cure for Cancer: “We all love the Muppets. They’re so cuuuuute!” And you know something? He’s right…

Movie Reviews »

[4 Dec 2002 by Gnoll | No Comment | ]

In choosing the #7 Christmas movie of all time, I decided again to go for something that isn’t always associated with the holiday season: 1988’s action movie extraordinnaire, DIE HARD…

Movie Reviews »

[3 Dec 2002 by Gnoll | One Comment | ]

Some people might immediately jump up and question the validity of some of the movies that I choose for “Christmas Movies”, but one you certainly can’t question is GREMLINS…

Movie Reviews »

[2 Dec 2002 by Gnoll | 2 Comments | ]

Well, Michael Moore has gone off and done it. He’s made a film that has the world talking, has Oscar Buzz written all over it, and is becoming one of the most successful documentaries of all time…

Movie Reviews »

[2 Dec 2002 by Gnoll | No Comment | ]

Bill Murray is one of the most consistently funny men in the history of modern cinema, and one of those folks who can make even the most mediocre scripts rather enjoyable. Such is the case with SCROOGED, the film that I’ve chosen as the #9 Christmas film of all time…

Movie Reviews »

[27 Nov 2002 by Gnoll | No Comment | ]

Well, I figured since the holidays are upon us, and I’ve really been short of time to see a lot of new movies, I figured I’d go through and review some of my favorite Christmas (Hannaukah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, whatever you celebrate, stay off my back!) movies of all time…

Movie Reviews »

[21 Nov 2002 by Gnoll | No Comment | ]

For some reason, people kind of look at me funny whenever I make mention of the title of this film. I guess it has something to do with the connotation that has come from multiple scandals involving Catholic priests and the younger boys involved in the church. But I assure you, this film does not involve any subplots regarding Paedophelia within the clergy…

Movie Reviews »

[18 Nov 2002 by Gnoll | No Comment | ]

Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m sort of a dork. This shouldn’t suprise you in the slightest. I mean, after all, I run a movie criticism website fercryinoutloud. But I also have some dorky tendencies otherwise. I also wind up traveling into a comic shop every now and again, and usually don’t walk out without spending a few bucks…

Movie Reviews »

[18 Nov 2002 by Gnoll | No Comment | ]

Thank God for Harry Potter. Thanks to him, I have at least two more Novembers to look forward to. Seriously. I liked the hell out of the first Harry Potter movie when I saw it last Thanksgiving, and yesterday I pedaled my bicycle a mile and a half in 30 degree weather just to go see the sequel…

Movie Reviews »

[4 Nov 2002 by Gnoll | One Comment | ]

PUNCH DRUNK LOVE is such a fitting little title for this film, the latest offering from MAGNOLIA auteur P.T. Anderson. Basically, on the level of a love story, this film hits the nail right on the head…

Movie Reviews »

[30 Oct 2002 by Gnoll | No Comment | ]

Every once in a while there’s a movie that you just want to hang your head in shame after seeing. One that you shuffle out of the theater, hands covering your face, in case you happen to run in to anyone you know, because you’re that embarassed to have been in the theater playing that particular film…

Movie Reviews »

[29 Oct 2002 by Gnoll | No Comment | ]

Well, since we’re only a couple days away from my favorite holiday, All Hallow’s Eve/Samhain/Halloween, it would only be fitting for me to talk about one of my favorite horror movies of all time. Even better, the final chapter in the greatest horror movie series of all time…

Articles »

[29 Oct 2002 by Gnoll | 6 Comments | ]

You may be asking just what the hell I mean by “Magic Negro”. I didn’t make the term up, it’s something that gets tossed around quite a bit in film circles. Most recently, it was a term used by Spike Lee (more specifically, he referred to the ‘Super-Duper’ Magic Negro) to describe the trend when he first began to notice it and criticize it. What it is is an archetypal character that’s plagued Hollywood throughout the ages by great-white-hope filmmakers who feel it is their duty to paint some idea that the wise black man or woman is there to serve as a mentor to the troubled white man or woman. It’s stereotypical, outdated, and most importantly, racist as hell beneath the surface.

Movie Reviews »

[17 Oct 2002 by Gnoll | No Comment | ]

Okay, I’ll get this out of the way first: MEET THE FEEBLES is like the Muppet Show on acid. Yes, that’s the description that you’ll find in anyone’s review of this film, but the reason why the cliche is there is that nothing could be more true…

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[16 Oct 2002 by Jay | One Comment | ]