Tatooine: A Composition in Three Parts
THE MCFTR POETRY CORNER PRESENTS:
Tatooine: A Composition in Three Parts
by Gnoll
I.
I want to go to Toshi station
To pick up power converters
But I gotta drink my blue milk first.
II.
Womprats and Mynocks,
Jawas and Banthas,
Sandworms that burrow right in to the ground.
Rontos and Dewbacks,
Mos Eisley Spaceport,
Tuskens that kill just for making a sound.
The Empire is coming
So grab your landspeeder
Hide all your droids and protect your kin.
Train to be a Jedi
Use mind control techniques
And hang with a Wookiee, Han Solo, and Ben.
III.
Twas one place you had sworn to never return
When Stormtroopers let your aunt and uncle burn.
But recent events have made certain you go,
to save Carbonite-Frozen friend Han Solo.
For Boba Fett has taken him to the Hutt,
And that Rancor pit has got you in a rut.
C-3PO translates, he gets paranoid,
“A Thermal Detonator!” says the old droid.
Jabba is entertained with dancing and song,
While Leia is stuffed in a gold bra and thong.
And the end could happen to you very soon,
if you fall victim to the Pit of Carkoon.
But your training has reached a critical end
And your Jedi powers help rescue your friend.
The Skiff Guards were no match for your Jedi mind,
And Solo killed Boba despite being blind.
The sarlacc offs many, Leia kills that slug,
Throws a chain round his neck and gives it a tug.
The rebels have triumphed, Han Solo is free,
Even Lando made it, that’s good news to me.
Poor little Noel has no taste
This film was such a hit
At least he thinks he’s been amusing
By talking utter shit
The whole saga was such a success
Poor old Noel dismayed
Rubbishing Star wars is all he had
It’s not like he was ever gonna get laid
30 years on, the films are still going strong
And this is still causing Noel strife
Get over lad, stop been so SAD
And for god sake get a life!!!!!
Uh, hey genius, there was nothing in this poem that was critical of Star Wars.
Nothing.
You’re a paranoid whackjob.
Paranoid Whackjob?
Typical yank, ruining the english language.
Poor old Noel, we had such hopes
of him being a fireman or a banker
but now it seems, all he’ll be
is a big fat massive wanker.
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