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Tatooine: A Composition in Three Parts

14 April 2005 by Gnoll 3 Comments


Tatooine: A Composition in Three Parts
by Gnoll


I want to go to Toshi station
To pick up power converters
         But I gotta drink my blue milk first.


    Womprats and Mynocks,
    Jawas and Banthas,
Sandworms that burrow right in to the ground.

    Rontos and Dewbacks,
    Mos Eisley Spaceport,
Tuskens that kill just for making a sound.

    The Empire is coming
    So grab your landspeeder
Hide all your droids and protect your kin.

    Train to be a Jedi
    Use mind control techniques
And hang with a Wookiee, Han Solo, and Ben.


Twas one place you had sworn to never return
When Stormtroopers let your aunt and uncle burn.

  But recent events have made certain you go,
  to save Carbonite-Frozen friend Han Solo.

For Boba Fett has taken him to the Hutt,
And that Rancor pit has got you in a rut.

  C-3PO translates, he gets paranoid,

  “A Thermal Detonator!” says the old droid.

Jabba is entertained with dancing and song,
While Leia is stuffed in a gold bra and thong.

  And the end could happen to you very soon,
  if you fall victim to the Pit of Carkoon.

But your training has reached a critical end
And your Jedi powers help rescue your friend.

  The Skiff Guards were no match for your Jedi mind,

  And Solo killed Boba despite being blind.

The sarlacc offs many, Leia kills that slug,
Throws a chain round his neck and gives it a tug.

  The rebels have triumphed, Han Solo is free,
  Even Lando made it, that’s good news to me.


  • LEE said:

    Poor little Noel has no taste
    This film was such a hit
    At least he thinks he’s been amusing
    By talking utter shit

    The whole saga was such a success
    Poor old Noel dismayed
    Rubbishing Star wars is all he had
    It’s not like he was ever gonna get laid

    30 years on, the films are still going strong
    And this is still causing Noel strife
    Get over lad, stop been so SAD
    And for god sake get a life!!!!!

  • Noel said:

    Uh, hey genius, there was nothing in this poem that was critical of Star Wars.


    You’re a paranoid whackjob.

  • LEE said:

    Paranoid Whackjob?

    Typical yank, ruining the english language.

    Poor old Noel, we had such hopes
    of him being a fireman or a banker
    but now it seems, all he’ll be
    is a big fat massive wanker.

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