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Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005)

27 July 2005 by Baldy No Comment


2005, dir. Mike Bigelow

83 min., Rated R.
Starring: Rob Schneider, Eddie Griffin, Jeroen Krabbe, Hanna Verboom.

Review by Baldy

Last week, I found myself up in Akron, Ohio. . . again. This time, though, there was no amusing tornado weather to keep me occupied. I wound up at the Fairlawn Regal again, faced another set of annoying movie choices, and settled for the latest installment of Deuce Bigalow. First, though. . . PREVIEWS!

First off, I caught “The Twenty”. This is kind of a pregame show for the movies, and it’s not bad. One thing bothered me, though. Is there anyone out there old enough to remember the Coca-Cola commercial made by remnants from the hippie movement? I’d like to buy the world a Coke and keep it company. . . Now, they have an updated version with some kid who thinks he’s Bob Schneider from the Ugly Americans singing I’d like to buy the world a Coke and chill with it a while. It just offends me in some manner that I can’t pin down.

My Name Is Earl – Jason Lee has a television gig now and it looks worth watching. I just like that guy. Anybody who can drop out of high school, make a living skateboarding, create his own clothing line and transition all of that into a successful acting career is okay in my book.

Surface – It looks compelling, so I doubt that I’ll watch it. I don’t have time to get wrapped up in any good, ongoing TV shows.

Bon Jovi Live From New York – Why? Who was this bored? I’m a child of the eighties, but I can’t find it in me to even think that this would be a good time.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose – This is supposed to be a true account of one of the more interesting exorcisms performed by the Catholic Church. This is one that I will definitely go to see, though I expect that my wife will not be joining me for this one. If you want to check it out, go to WhatHappenedToEmily.com.

The Fog – Looks like this is a remake of John Carpenter’s old film, and it seems to be well-made. I think this will be a dollar movie choice. It’s EscapeTheFog.com.

Chicken Little – I don’t believe that this movie will come out. Ever. I’ve been seeing previews for two years.

Grandma’s Boy – Two of Adam Sandler’s regular players finally get their own movie. Yes, I’ll see this and I’ll probably bring the wife. This looks like the kind of mindless comedy that I enjoy every once in a while. Hell, it’s a Happy Madison flick.

And now, on to our feature motion picture.

You can doooooo it!

Deuce is back, and he’s single – sort of. He still has his wife, Kate. . . or some of her. She got eaten by a shark, so Deuce just carries around her prosthetic leg to talk to. Anyway, he gets a call from his man-pimp (Eddie Griffin) who has set up shop in Amsterdam. It seems that there’s a vicious killer on the loose in Europe, and that killer is knocking off prostidudes (man-whores) left and right. Griffin wants Deuce to stupidly come back to work for him, make himself a target, and somehow flush out the killer before the man-whoring business goes to hell. Would Deuce do something that mind-numbingly dumb? Of course he would, because otherwise they wouldn’t have HIS name on the movie.

Why would someone bother to make a sequel to what was arguably one of the dumbest films of the 1990s? The answer, which becomes apparent as the film progresses, is that they can. It gives off the feel early on that they’re really trying to make a movie. As time marches along, though, it becomes apparent that the folks at the studio collectively said, “Awww, fuck it. We’re in Amsterdam, man! Pass those brownies. . . ” Yes, it doesn’t take long before the folks making the film realize that it’s going to be campy and suck, so they just grin like hell and jump in with both feet. That actually works to some degree, as long as you didn’t pay $8.25 to see the movie.

It’s childish, potty-humor stuff. Sometimes, that’s what we need.

What worked for it? Little things that they threw in to make sure that we all connected with the movie. There was no gal in a white T-shirt fetching snails from the bottom of an aquarium. There was, however, a Dutch hottie in a white T-shirt scrubbing a window. Remember how you reacted the first time you heard Eddie Griffin talking about man-whores and she-pimps? Well, get ready for mention of prostidudes, manginas, she-Johns, the annual Man-Whore Awards, a Filthy Ramirez, Turkish Snow Cones, twatsicles, and all kinds of other terminology that you never really wanted to think about before. The self-deprecating humor was there, also. You get to see the Oriental man-whore screaming, “I take my three inches elsewhere!” Deuce is properly pathetic, reminding us all that his former professional going rate was ten bucks. The naked weather reports are pretty cool, until the hairy guy with the beer gut fills in for the nubile young lady who normally does the weather. There’s also absolutely brilliant use of Nights In White Satin following Deuce’s first foray into the world of Space Cakes. There’s a predictable, unfortunate and funny scene involving Eddie Griffin’s privates and a housecat. Norm MacDonald shows up in here as a rather off Scottish man-whore and does an excellent job. Perhaps the best, though, was a simple answer to this question: What noise does it make it you throw a dwarf out of a window and into a canal?

It ain’t great, people. It’s not even an hour and a half long! It’s rehashed humor and sight gags and jokes that you would normally expect from a fifth-grader. It was fun, though. At times the fun felt a little forced, but overall I didn’t regret seeing it. I did regret seeing it at full price, but that’s what company expense accounts are for.

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