ZOMBIE 4: AFTER DEATH 1988, dir. Claudio Fragasso 84 min. Not Rated. Starring: Jeff Stryker, Candice Daly, Jim Gaines. Review by Terry Baker and Beth Van Dusen

Chaka Khan lemme kill ya that's all I wanna do.
Chaka Khan Captain Fuller let me kill for you, kill for you.

Music by Gloria Estefan and her Ma-chine of Miami Sound.
Additional music by Michael Damon...Rock On!
Featuring Katrina of Katrina and the Waves…
And filmed in beautiful downtown Malta (for all your zombie needs).

Malta, Malta, Malta!
It's where the zombies are.

People who like Malta:
Chuck Norris, Sarah Connor, Ricky Martin, Dick Ritchie, the guy with the big mustache from Simon and Simon, an Allman brother, and the black guy.

All of these people like Malta.
Zombies like Malta.
Thus hilarity and blood-spray ensue.

Don't ask why zombies are on Malta in the first place, why the Book of the Dead was printed in big stupid letters for big stupid people who want to create big stupid zombies, or why the zombies are all dressed like freakin ninjas!

There are only three things that matter:
Malta, zombies, and rhythm…getting you.

Chuck Norris, Sarah Connor, Ricky Martin, Dick Ritchie, the guy with the big mustache from Simon and Simon, an Allman brother, and the black guy all love Malta and rhythm. Ninja zombies hate Malta and they hate freakin rhythm! Zombie ninjas must kill Chuck Norris, Sarah Connor, Ricky Martin, Dick Ritchie, the guy with the big mustache from Simon and Simon, an Allman brother, and the black guy!!!

And Michael Damon keeps rockin on!

Don't mess with Captain Fuller or else you'll end up like Chuck Norris, Sarah Connor, Ricky Martin, Dick Ritchie, the guy with the big mustache from Simon and Simon, an Allman brother, and the black guy: Dead...on Malta.

Confused by all of this? So were we, and we watched the freakin movie! Why the hell didn't we rent the new Guttenberg movie?

Rating: Two out of five Brains.