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1988, dir. Lucio Fulci, Claudio Fragasso (uncredited), Bruno Mattei (uncredited)
95 min, Rated R.
Starring: Deran Sarafian, Beatrice Ring, Ottaviano Dell'Acqua, Massimo Vanni

Review by Terry Baker

ZOMBI 3: The Debate of Zombies from both sides of the Aisle

The following transcript is an actual account of the debate over the rising interest in zombie film in modern Hollywood as an analogy to the war on terrorism. As this debate was not shown on C-Span, We here at MC4TR want to keep you abreast of political affairs with correlation to film and bring you, verbatim, the transcript that follows:

This is Zombi 3. The only connection to Zombi 2 is, you guessed it, zombies. If you can find a better a connection, than I say it is all the more reason to invade Iraq because they are a land of terrorists that greased the palms of the perpetrators of 9/11. But never mind that. This isn’t about the war on terrorism. This is about a war against the undead, man! If the dead stay dead and planted in the ground they become fossils. Then they meld with the earth to become fossil fuel. Then they become oil. Then we drill the earth to suck the marrow from the decayed fossils to line the pockets of the fat Washington cats with close ties to the oil industry! Shit! This is about oil! The war against the undead is all about oil! It is not to preserve the sanctity of life and freedom throughout the land! It is only a conspiracy to keep the dead buried to fill the tankers that fuel the pumps that fuel your SUVs, your limousines, your Lear jets to make to Capitol Hill!

Now, you see? That’s just sad! Do you want to play baby games and make vague references to the film “Zombi 3, or do you want to take your shoes off and play a nice game of honest footsies under the table? I can do it both ways, but I’m the kind of man that prefers a good foot touching! I’ll take my socks off! I haven’t clipped my toenails! The truth and my toenails will slice a hole as big as the rio grande in your lunatic theories!

You see, good people! Already he resorts to violence! This is the way to quell those that have a different opinion! They want to kill you before you have a chance to speak, only to cover you with six feet of soil and wait for you to decay, only to exhume the very essence of your eternal slumber! The sooner your body ceases to run red, the sooner their profits run black!

You want the socks to come off?

I want the people to know truth? The truth of how Zombi 3 and Zombi 2 are unrelated! The truth of why the public is so confused over this uproar of zombie madness! The truth that zombies and the war in Iraq are the same thing! A hoax! A sham! A big lie!

People, if you believe what this man is telling you, the terrorists...

Admit that even Lucio Fulci, one of the grand poobah’s of the zombie genre walked away from this film! Why? Because he knew it was created under false pretenses and reasoning! The same way the public knows this unwarranted war was created! False pretenses and reasoning! The people realize it, just like Fulci realized it! It is more about the almighty dollar than it is a justified reason to spend untold dollars in hopes to recoup a little to fatten a franchise!

What am I admitting? I admit that I think you perhaps you did not watch the film in question? That is just sad. In fact, that is an outrage!

Admit that the government concocted this war in Iraq and the alleged war on Terrorism the same way they “concocted” the zombies in the film ZOMBI 3!

Now that’s just sad! Now you just proved to everyone that your argument has more holes in it than a diaphragm of a welfare broodmare. Had you watched the film you would know that the military in that film were trying to develop a...

A race of military legions that would be brainless automatons to kill at your bidding? To not question the motives but kill on command?

Now, son, why would we do that? Why on earth? I mean, we have the poor, the black, the ethnic already! Look, I hope the audience can clearly see that your argument holds as much water as my bladder. If you watched Zombi 3, you would notice that the action takes place in the Philippines. We all know that the Philippines is a hotbed. An extremist terrorist stronghold. Secondly, we can see in the film that our brave soldiers were on the front lines to save that town and the rest of the world of the infestation of evil!

Actually, those soldiers, as it was an Italian film, were supposed to be Italian!

And them Italians are in the coalition of the willing! You see, it doesn’t matter what flag you fly in to battle! So long as that flag flies for freedom! Freedom from terrorists or those that harbor them. Freedom from zombies that want to eat out our brains…which I suspect would be a small appetizer, given your argument, and freedom to live our way of life. Free, democratic and alive…not dead! Thus, I estimate that your argument is shameful and, dare I say, wrong! We love life in America. We love freedom. If freedom means killing a few zombies, terrorists… and those that may be perceived as terrorists, then by God...let freedom ring!

Then what do you have to say about the whole zombie uprising being stemmed from the governments’ desire for domination? The government started the zombie uprising in Zombi 3 much like you started the Mujahadeen? Creating warriors? Supplying the resources and weapons? It is all obvious if you want to see it! It is carelessness on the part of the government. It all ties together! Global warming! Look at how the zombie virus was spread in Zombi 3. In the air. Cannot that be linked to the gross negligence and lies that that administration spews forth on a daily basis?

We have a train off the tracks, I think.

It is all there! All lies. Admit it!

(The moderator finally intermediates to end the debate)

At this point we are our out of our allotted time. I would like to thank each of our distinguished debaters for their time and insight. As a personal note, and since we have been using contemporary film as thin references, I should like to follow suit. From Billy Madison, and I paraphrase for fear of misquoting, “At no point in your rambling, incoherent responses were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. Thank you and good night.


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