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BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S

1961, Dir. Blake Edwards
115 min. Not Rated.
Starring: Audrey Hepburn, George Peppard, Buddy Ebsen, Mickey Rooney.

Review by Noel Wood

May we hope that somewhere in heaven, George Peppard is resting peaceably. After all, this is the guy who played Hannibal. No, not the cannibal and not the guy who crossed the Swiss Alps. The leader of the force that compromised the most wonderful television program to ever appear on a major network.

The A-Team.

By the way, who played Murdock? Peppard was Hannibal, as we've already established. And the true Hollywood Icon Mr. T played B.A. Baracus. And if I recall correctly, Dirk Benedict of BATTLESTAR GALACTICA fame played the Face. And later there was some useless chick in the group but nobody really gives a damn who played her. But everyone I ask draws a blank when I ask if they remember who played Murdock.

    

How could anyone NOT love the A-Team? Only in the Reagan era could a show this violent do so well on a major network. Sure, there are action shows on today like Xena: Warrior Princess and Renegade, but they're relegated to syndication and basic cable and piss-ant studios like UPN. NBC would never have the balls to run a show as macho as the A-Team in the Clinton-dominated liberal 90's.

After all, this was a show about Vietnam vets who apparently were like vigilantes and shit who got sick of the way the government was treating them so they took matters in to their own hands. Or something like that. I mean, I was pretty young when the show was running so I didn't really understand the dynamics of it. I just loved it because of all the unneccessary violence that was well above and beyond what I could see on the Dukes of Hazzard.

Even the intro montage to the A-Team was cool. There were all these big action scenes with explosions and stuff and then they'd freeze-frame on one of the actors in an action pose and put the little caption that said "Starring George Peppard as Hannibal". Then at the end of the title sequence they shot bullets at the A-Team logo and the faces of the team members appeares in the bullet holes. Man, that was cool.

And of course they had that van. I used to have the A-Team van and all the figures from Galoob but I think they got sold at a garage sale or something. It was kinda cool because they were the same size as my G.I.Joes so I could pretend Mr.T had joined Cobra or something. I did go to Universal Studios as a kid and got to lift the A-Team van with my bare hands. Actually it was hollowed out so that the average little kid could lift it. But apparently it was from an episode where Murdock got trapped under the van so B.A. had to lift it up in a fit of adrenaline. So they used this hollowed-out prop van so Mr.T could lift it because apparently Mr. T was a pussy in real life, much like Richard Donner. Actually, Mr. T's character was pretty much a pussy on the show too. Remember, they always had to slip him a mickey or knock him out to get him in to a helicopter because big bad B.A. was afraid to fly?

And what was the deal with Murdock anyway? I know that I can't remember for the life of me who played him but it was also weird because his character was crazy but not really crazy.I mean, he acted like he was crazy and it scared the shit out of the bad guys but when it came down to it he was kind of smart. Like when he was handling bombs or something and he acted perfectly normal. And didn't he have a cat that he ran around with all the time? I can't remember exactly but I'm pretty sure he had this cat that he talked to all the time and B.A. hated it. And the cat had a name but I can't remember for the life of me what the cat's name was. But at least it had a name unlike that damn cat that Holly Golightly parades around with in BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S.

Speaking of which, I guess I should be talking about that movie.

    

Okay, for a second we almost see Audrey Hepburn naked at the beginning of the movie. That's pretty cool because back then she was really hot. But then she got really old so now if I think about her I think about the old wrinkly Audrey that's in ALWAYS or worse yet I think of old and wrinkly Katherine Hepburn, which is far worse. Either way, the mood is ruined. So Audrey Hepburn playes Holly. Oh, and Mickey Rooney plays a Chinaman. And Buddy Ebsen plays a horse doctor who used to be married to Holly, and I'm thinking "Jed Clampett and Audrey Hepburn? No way!". And a young Hannib...er, Peppard looks a lot like Cary Elwes in THE PRINCESS BRIDE so I keep waiting for him to put on a silly accent and say "as you wish." So Peppard, as Paul Varjak, moves in and meets Audrey and they have this fling but decide to just be friends because she has a thing for rich men but it's all unfulfilling to her and Peppard tries to win her back and they have this long argument and she loses that damn nameless cat and he helps her find it in an alley in the rain and they kiss and it's a happy ending.

As Hannibal would say, "I love it when a plan comes together."

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