Episode Five: Surf School
Review by Noel Wood

Another week has passed, and that means that yet another exciting, action-packed week of The Surreal Life is under our belts. This week, Vince, Hammer, Manny Mo, and the gang have to sell tickets to their own talent show where Vince will take the grand prize for his rendition of "The Surrel Life Blues". Oh, wait, that was just the rerun from the first season that I happened to catch last night.

Sadly, the re-airing of the first couple of seasons on VH1 has only reminded me of what this one's lacking. Despite the fact that these were very different people, the first two seasons' casts seemed to gel a lot better. Besides, the predicaments that they put them in seemed to be a lot more fun. But alas, I come here to bury those casts, not to praise them.

On this year's latest episode, we pick up where we left off last time at Harrah's Casino and Hotel in San Diego. When we last saw our crew, they were finding their respective sleeping quarters and nodding off for the night. Since Jordan was the one who got the unfortunate task of sleeping in the Winnebago, he's also the first one to get woken up from honking horns in the parking lot. Jordan figures that he's not going to be the only one to suffer, so he decides to wake up the rest of the crew. As his punishment, he has to see Brigitte wearing less than she usually does. Flav is saddened because Brigitte dissed him last night for Enrique. Flav pouts.

The Surreal Times arrives, and the gang gathers around to find out what their day entails. Today, they will hit the beach for some surfing lessons. And once again, Flavor Flav wants to drive the camper, but the gang intervenes. They ask him to produce a driver's license, and he says he doesn't have it with him. In a turn that surprises everyone as much as it did when Corey or Vanilla pulled it off, Brigitte stands in as the voice of reason for once. Flav pouts.

It's surfin' time! The instructors are The Willis Brothers, whoever the hell they are. Dave talks a little 'surfer dude' lingo and they all gather around to hear the Willises wax philospohical. There's a pun in there somewhere. The Willises are determined to get everyone in the cast up on a surfboard before the day is done. Flav pouts.

The gang prepare to hit the waves. Charo won't go surfing because of her carpal tunnel. Huh? Jordan would rather stand around the beach and eat, because for some reason the guy always seems to be munching on something. Dave is the first one in the cast to get up on a board. Go Dave! Ryan privately expresses her crush on the younger Willis brother, while Brigitte openly flirts with him. Flav pouts.

Flav has been against the idea of surfing since they arrived on the beach, preferring to sit around and feel sorry for himself. But a little small talk with the Willises, and Flav decides to give it a shot. He dons the wet-suit and wades out into the water, but upon his first try, he falls flat on his face. Flav pouts.

But if at first you don't succeed, try again. Flav finally gets the hang of it. Next thing you know, he's a regular surfin' bird. As Flav emerges from the water, Jordan tells us that he "stepped on to the beach like Jesus." Oooookay. The gang is all awarded for the efforts with leis, which Flav pronounces "Lee-yays". For his efforts, Flav gets the grand prize: A shiny new Surreal Life surfboard. Flav gloats.

The day ends with the gang chilling out around a campfire, revelling in their exciting day of hitting the foam. Brigitte decides to push the envelope and have a tete-a-tete with her jilted lover Flav. Brigitte tries to press the issue a bit, and Flav puts her in her place, telling her that he doesn't love her any differently than he loves the rest of the cast. Brigitte pouts.

Next week is the first in a two-part episode in which the gang gets to write and record their own single. Apparently, Ryan the pop star will have some issues with recording pop music. Ryan will pout.

We'll see you there.