Link to us!


Affiliates: Internet Movie Script Database 88x31A LinkShare - Join now
Peep these links:
The Toque
Geek of the Day
Biting Satire
Barry the Bachelor
Evil Guide
Start your own Cult
Funny Feed
Humor Planet
Conspiracy Network
Grouchy Joe
Paranormal Cafe
All Dumb
Busted Tees


2000, dir. Michael Cooney
91 min. Rated R.
Starring: Scott McDonald, Christopher Allport, Chip Heller, Eileen Seeley.

Review by Noel Wood

It's been a while since we dropped in on our old pal, Jack Frost. Last year, in fact, when we reviewed the greatest Mutant Killer Snowman movie that shares its name with a Michael Keaton family film ever to be caught on film. This time, Jack's back, and he's pissed.

Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman is a perfect follow-up to its predecessor, a guilty pleasure of a Christmas horror spoof that we reviewed here. You can either read that review for a recap, or we can sum it up in just a few words: Serial killer has his DNA fused with snow in a nuclear accident, goes on killing spree, is stopped with antifreeze. The same ridiculous tone that made the other one so fun is kept intact, and most of the surviving cast members are even back.

If we add a little rum and set this thing on liquify, we should have a nice frozen cocktail.

Our film actually begins with the return of our hero from the last movie, Sam, recapping the events of the first film with his therapist while a secretary and her mean little friends snicker in the background. The shrink even violates his Hippocratic oath and gives a little chuckle of his own when Sam tells of how the killer was disposed of in the previous film.

Of course, a group of scientists has managed to get a hold of the tainted antifreeze that contains the soul of Jack and due to some lab glitches, brings him back to life with a cup of hot coffee, where he inadvertently kills a passerby. It doesn't take long for this to happen. I mean, usually horror sequels dawdle around for a half hour or so before they re-introduce the villain, but JF2 gets 'er gone in the first five minutes of the movie.

Sam, haunted by his past, hauls his wife (and leaves his retarded antifreeze-oatmeal cooking kid back at home, presumably) off to a tropical resort paradise for a Christmas vacation. I mean, after all, if there's anywhere that's safe from Mutant Killer Snowmen, it's the endless Summer, right? Right? Of course, they arrive with other stereotypical resorters: Three busty sorority girls (one blonde, one brunette, one redhead, of course); a gay fashion photographer and his calendar models; and of course, deputy Joe Foster and his soon-to-be-wife Marla from the last movie.

Meanwhile, two castaways are in a dinghy somewhere in the middle of the ocean, and quickly become the first victims of Jack's rage of terror. You see, Jack apparently needs a raft to get to the aforementioned tropical island, despite the fact that he forms in water, so he shoves a carrot in the dudes and commandeers the vehicle.

Later that night, after a tiki party on the island, the sorority chicks are sitting around a campfire trying to divvy up the two monosyllabically-speaking frat boys they just met, and the brunette portion of the trio wanders off into the woods. Jack tries to attack from above with icicles, but misses, complaining that he's out of practice. After a few misses, he decides that a more effective method is to form himself into a giant snow anvil and drop himself on the girl's head. He then makes quick work of the redhead with some spikes from the ground, and does blondie in with a pair of ice tongs through the skull. He totally stole that death from a film some friends and I made in high school.

20 minutes in, six dead. This is one of the best sequels since Weekend at Bernie's 2!

When the resort employees find the bodies the next morning, the call upon the head of island security: Agent Manners from the last film. He's played by a different actor (and wearing an eyepatch) this time, but that's quickly explained because of the fact that his face was mangled like fresh roadkill in the last film. He quickly learns that all communication off the island has been cut, so he gathers the resort's staff and calls for a state of emergency. But resident tour guide Captain Fun (yes, his actual name) doesn't think anything should stop out tourists from experiencing a grand old time!

Elsewhere on the island, our calendar model is posing with a surfboard while gay Asian dude takes pictures. Jack sneaks in to get a better look, but the photographer tells the model that the "excitement has been lost". Yes, the model's headlights have burned out, if you know what I mean. She asks for some ice to remedy this problem, and, well, you can probably guess where this is headed. One ice cube (not O'shea Jackson) POV shot later, and not only is her nipple condition showing no noticable difference, but now she's asking for iced coffee. Models are so high maintenance. After she crunches on an ice cube and swallows it down, Jack detonates the model's head and then makes quick work of the photog, as Polaroids fly to the ground showing him in various stages of death. Probably deserved it, though. After all, what kind of professional photographer shoots on Polaroid Instamatic camera?

Captain Fun (man, I can't believe I'm typing that without making a joke) comes up with a brilliant idea to draw Jack Frost out in the open, so he stages a costume party. Sam hears the voice of Jack and hauls off into the night in search of him. He mistakenly decks the resort's manager, because he's wearing a snowman costume.

Later that night, the other model, who apparently hasn't figured out that her two coworkers are pushing up daisies, decides to take a little skinny-dip in the pool. After a few laps, Jack decides to test the water, and finds it too warm. He remedies this by creating a layer of ice on top of the pool, so naked girl gets caught under the frozen top and drowns. To celebrate, Jack wanders in to the tiki bar, and now that we've actually fully seen him in snowman form for the first time in the movie, decides to chill out -- the entire resort. Next thing you know, Sam and his wife are being awoken by snowball fights.

The two frat boys, unfazed by the fact that the three sorority chicks they were about to score with have assumed room temperature, decide to re-enact a crucial scene from A Christmas Story involving a metal pole, and Jack quickly puts the Flick character out of his misery. Jack then takes care of a few of the vacationers with killer snowballs and icicles, while Sam's friends and family try to convince him that despite the fact that a dozen or so people are dead and it's suddenly dropped 70 degrees, that he has nothing to worry about. Of course, that's when Sam finally comes face to face with his tormentor.

Sam's friends and wife barricade themselves into their room, while Sam and Manners gear up to take out Jack with antifreeze-filled Super Soakers™. The stereotypical Jamaican barkeep tells them where they can find drums of Antifreeze. They rig a trap for Jack, a giant pit filled with the green stuff, which Jack falls in and bubbles down to nothing. But wait! There's still a half hour left, and we sure as hell don't care enough about the few surviving protagonists to see them romping around without conflict, do we? You see, apparently, before the scientists accidentally revamped Jack at the beginning of the movie, they performed some special experiments which gave him some resistance to his previous killer. Jack rises from the pool, and he's <1>pissed. He's also now able to cough up little killer snowballs that hatch into mini-Jacks. Sam has gone catatonic in response to this turn of events.

Within moments, Captain Fun is dead, and Sam's wife Anne purees the little bastard. But that doesn't stop the Ice Ice Baby, and Manners soon finds himself surrounded by the mini-Jacks. This time, they apparently do him in for good, but I guess if they ever make a part three they might get yet another actor to step in and play the rejuvenated version of him.

Anne decides to play hero and organizes an effort to round up all of the little snowball bastards. The surviving cast members set out with sealable containers to trap Jack's killer spitballs, but that turns out to be an exercise in futility. Through a freak act in the tiki bar, Anne discovers that a banana daquiri spells doomsday for the little buggers, because, you see, Jack and Sam's DNA apparently got fused in the last film, and Sam is allergic to bananas, so that means the snowbabies are too. The gang gathers up scores of bananas and goes on a snowball-killing rampage, but when Jack finds one of his younglings clinging to life, he gets a little teary-eyed and decides to extract revenge.

Jack offs a couple more people before Sam makes a run in and fires a banana-arrow into Jack's chest. This time, there's no fancy burial or anything else insofar as much as a resolution goes. It's just closing credits. Oh, and some goofy setup for a possible sequel, this time involving the snowman getting really big or something.

As I said before, The original Jack Frost was a lot of fun, and this film is no different. In fact, JF2 may very well be better than the original. It even seems to have a slightly larger budget than its predecessor, at least in part supplied by Asahi Beer, which gets a ton of product placement here. The CGI is slightly more impressive than the effects in the first Jack Frost film, but that's not saying much. The real fun is in the goofy script and lots of slasheriffic fun.

So if you're looking for something a little bit different than your standard Frosty the Snowman fare, check this sucker out. Hell, make it a double-feature with the original!


All Material Copyright © 1998-2006 Movie Criticism for the Retarded.

For questions, comments, or the occasional stalking letter, send mail to Noel Wood. Please give proper credit when using any materials found within this site.

Search the Archives!