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i'm sorry

At this point you may feel that the authors have gone off the deep end. Chances are, you'd be correct. For those unsure of what haiku is, it's a Japanese style of poetry consisting of lines with a syllable structure of 5-7-5. These haikus are dedicated to the film industry, and you'd probably find more literary talent at a Hooked on Phonics meeting. I have broken them down according to the author, not that any one author writes any crappier poems than another.

Crappy haikus By Justin Patterson
Justin dropped me this batch of roughly 37,427 haikus one morning and I was still halfway asleep so I decided to go ahead and post them, not thinking of any potential repurcussions. This is his first contribution to the site, other than being a longtime heckler.

Shitty haikus By Jay "Me So" Hornsby
Jay had penned a couple of articles for the site before deciding that he couldn't stand not being on the haiku bandwagon. I guess some people might think these are pretty funny, but some people think root canals are funny too.

Offensive haikus by Terry Baker
Terry started it. Terry Started it. It's all his fault that everyone here decided to go the bad poetry route. He should be hung up by his toes and spanked, except that we already cut off his toes for that COUNTRY BEARS article.

Abhorrent haikus by Noel Wood
The webmaster of the site here can't deny that he's dipped his pen in the ink of bad poetry here as well, as he's contributed quite a few bad haikus himself. Also, he feels it makes him seem more intelligent when he writes in the third person.

Reprehensible haikus by Chad Shonk
Chad may be a big movie guy now, but he's still responsible for dragging down the content of this website with his horrible poetry way back in the day. Also, he stole this idea from Terry, which makes him even twice as guilty of horrible crimes against humanity.

Ghastly haikus by Bobby Jones
Bobby may pretend to take the high road by only contributing three whole haikus to our site, but it still doesn't change the fact that he did it. In fact, the idea that he only submitted three leads me to believe that he actually thinks these are good or something.


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For questions, comments, or the occasional stalking letter, send mail to Noel Wood. Please give proper credit when using any materials found within this site.

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