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FREE WILLY 3

1997, Dir. Sam Pillsbury
86 min. Rated PG.
Starring: Jason James Richter, August Schellenberg.

Review by Noel Wood

I have not seen this movie. I don't have any plans to see this movie in the near future or even to carry any memory of this movie with me to my grave. But I will tell you this: This movie sucks. Purely for existing alone, this movie sucks.

In the first FREE WILLY, an orca gets caught in a tuna net. Okay, he's so cute and intelligent and he doesn't deserve to die a horrible and inhumane death like oh, say, an ugly and stupid tuna, so we'll let him go. Fine.

In FREE WILLY 2, he does it again. This time he's caught near an oil spill. All right, you big cute porpoise, we'll risk our lifes to make sure you go free again.

Now for FREE WILLY 3. This time, why do the bastard any favors? If he can't get by on his own intelligence and is stupid enough to get in trouble again, I see lamp oil in Willy's future. I don't need a fucking whale to preach to me about the environment.

"FREE WILLY 3: The whale that never learns. Shouldn't we spend our time saving a smarter animal?" -Jim Murren, Entertainment Weekly's "Hot Sheet" for August 15, 1997.

'Nuff said. Fuck Willy.

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