PEOPLE I'D PUNCH
A Special Dragon*Con 2003 Feature
By Jay “Me So” Hornsby
I am not a violent person. I’m not. But, like most people, I hate stupid people. Hell, stupid people hate stupid people when they don’t realize they’re one of them. Being at Dragon*Con this past weekend really made me want to start swinging. So I’ve compiled a list of people that I should be able to punch in the face, no questions asked.
10. People that wear a costume to Dragon*Con but don’t want their picture taken. If you’re going to take the time to dress up and parade around in public, expect someone to take your photograph. I’m talking to you, ‘Plus-Sized Harley Quinn’.
9. Guys wearing a skirt. And don’t give me that lame “it’s a kilt” line. I don’t care. Bloody nose.
8. Guys that wear wings (and are not Hawkman). It doesn’t matter if they’re fairy or feather wings. Wait, I take that back. If you’re wearing fairy wings I get to hit you twice.
7. Guys that wear black lipstick. Some people (rhymes with Gnoll) tried to defend this. I punched him too.
6. Guys that dress like anime characters. If you look like this, it's fuckin' clobberin time.
5. Guys that wear chokers. I don’t care what you do in the bedroom, as soon as you walk around in public, be prepared to get choked.
4. Guys that wear mesh see-through anything. Automatic broken nose.
3. Guys that wear cloaks. People that wear capes are on the fringe but superheroes wear capes so I guess I have to let it slide. People wearing cloaks though, get punched repeatedly.
2. Nazis. Nuff said.
1. Guys that wear cat suits. Really, if you’re wearing any type of animal based suit (with werewolves being an exception) you should get punched. And stomped. And kicked. And most definitely made fun of.
If you didn’t notice, a few entries would be perfectly acceptable if a woman was doing it but not for a guy. Not a coincidence. Luckily my violent outbursts were contained and no one got hurt. Although there is always next year. And to bastardize that classic line “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry (and drinking whiskey)”.
The preceding article has been an editorial piece and does not necessarily reflect the views of the staff of MCFTR. Chances are good, however, that given the proper amount of alcohol, we'd all punch at least two or three of these people in the face. Especially the nazis.
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