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Our next segment is almost purely a music video, with very little narration from T and no dialogue. You see, these were some bold filmmakers who were putting this little package together, not afraid to experiment. In a sweet little pun, we see five kids walking out on a pier to chill out. Seems inncocent enough, right?

Well, one of our buddies seems to have a sixth sense going on here...

Passing by the trash can, suddenly this chap is drawn as if by magical force to crane his neck back around and then walk backward toward the can. And then...


Whoa! Is that a full, unopened warm can of Budweiser? And digging further, a full pack of Marlboros? It's amazing what these beachgoers will throw away on hot summer days. Well, as he shows back up, everyone seems pretty interested in the contraband, all except for this kid:

They start trying to light the cigarettes, obviously failing to realize you have to put the thing in your mouth and inhale to get it lit, geniuses.

Well, the cover's blown anyway, as the parties involved with making this video apparently figured the kids at home would be dumb enough to not notice that the whole time the kids are enjoying in their bad acts, they never open the beer or light a single fag. Oh, and apparently the non-drinking and non-smoking that our bad seeds are partaking in allows them to become oblivious to the fact that New Edition is singing and dancing ten feet away. Uhh, sure, guys.

Oh yeah, I guess I could go on a whole 50-page rant about the fact that Bobby Brown is participating in an anti-drug spot, but that's for a whole other time, folks.


Meanwhile, they all decide that the little reluctant kid is going to get with the program, whether he likes it or not. You know how your mother used to ask you if your friends held you down and made you smoke those cigarettes when you got busted? Well, This kid's friends did just that.

Meanwhile, Mr. T looks on giving his signal of disapproval. Or at least we think so. I think he's more like, "Dude, you just found that beer in the garbage can, in the middle of the hot sun!"



Oh, and I sure didn't need images like these stuck in my head. Ever.

Finally, our little hero breaks away from the bad influence, taking his belly shirt and running. And an epiphany occurs. Suddenly the bad kids realize the errors of their ways.

So New Edition takes us out with the rest of our song, and I rate this segment a solid 8/10


Okay, earlier I mentioned how T "recoups" himself after dipping his hand in potato salad, and then mentioned how he hasn't taken his clothes off? Well, here's the part you're gonna want to check out.

T introduces himself as "Dr. T", but I see no women. Anyway, he asks us if we've ever been embarassed. Of course we have. But then, he does the unthinkable: Mr. T makes up a word. Yes, let us all add this term to our vocabulary, as it is truly one that Noah Webster ignored: Absoludicrous.


Basically, we get some kid in a purple jumpsuit skipping down the street (oh yeah, there's no way this kid is growing up straight) when he suddenly loses the ability to function normally and falls on his knees. Some fat guy laughs. So how could the kid recover from the embarassment, or as T calls it, "Recoup"?


He can pretend to break dance. Yes, kind of like Pee-Wee Herman falling off his bike and saying "I meant to do that!", the kid does some funky spin thing and meets some cheers from the fat guy and some onlookers. Oh, and ain't karma a bitch: the fat guy trips as he walks away. Man, what ever would we do without Dr. T's lessons?

So Dr. T again uses the word Absoludicrous and gets up from his desk, when a stage hand reminds him He's not wearing any pants. So T, taking his own advice, does his best to recoup:


He strips down to his underwear and starts doing squats. Again, this man is a comedy goldmine. I give this segment an 8/10, solidifying it as a real winner.


T and the Cello again. Basically, this time he just makes noise with the bow. This segment blows. At least it's only about 15 seconds long.


Mr. T and breakdancing. What could be a better representation of the 1980's? T explains that everyoine creates things, and that some people make art with their bodies. Now, I dated a girl once who used to cover her nude body with paint and press herself onto walls for murals, but somehow I don't think that's what T has in mind. He shows up on some generic street corner where some kids are kickin' it oldschool, bustin' out the cardboard.

While T looks fascinated in the breakdancing, he figures he'll chill in the back with Marta and Popsicle (hey, that's what her shirt says) who are busy performing stuff they might have learned from Darren's Dance Grooves, if it were 2002. They teach T to do the robot and moonwalk, but T seems more interested in showing off his muscles.


Ready for the challenge now, T steps u to the breakdance challenge. He learns about baby swipes and windmills and then some kid almost scrapes his head on concrete. Then T walks like an Egyptian off into the sunset.



Nothing special here. I give this segment a 5/10.


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