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ANGER.

In the next segment, T is enjoying a picnic with some of the kids and telling them how to control their anger. Hilarity ensues as a fly that's buzzing around starts to get under T's skin. Oh lord, can you smell the irony? Obviously feeding off a well-rehearsed script, T offers tablemate Jimmy some "pickle -- uh, I think this is relish", and then swats a few more times at the fly, until...

OH GOD HOW FUNNY HE MISSED THE FLY AND HIS HAND LANDED IN THE 'TATO SALIT'. Quickly recouping (ah, just you wait), T offers some of the stuff to Jimmy, who looks bemused. Oh, but it gets better. The fly is still buzzing, and then...

OH NOW HE GOT 'TATO SALIT' ALL OVER HIS FACE. This is pure genius. Buster Keaton, eat your heart out.

then, in a fit of rage, T goes crazy and starts whacking everything in sight with a newspaper until he finally can calm down and breathe. And then, finally...

He catches the fly with his bare hands while Martika looks on in sheer amazement. Thankfully, there's a message here: "Anger. Use it, but don't lose it." I'm really not sure I understand that statement, but whatever. Segment rating: 6/10

STYLING.

Well, this is the one that people tend to go nuts over, and for good reason. There's a good number of quotables in this here section, and just the absolute datedness of the scene is worth a laugh. Basically, in this segment, T starts off by telling us that "Everybody wears clothes. And if you don't you'll get arrested." I'm not kidding you. Those are actual words from his mouth. Basically, he's telling you that clothing is something you can use to express yourself with, so why would you wear Bill Blass or Calvin Klein's name on them when you can wear your own. Oh, well, I dunno, maybe copyrights and all, but that doesn't stop T from putting on a narcissitic fashion show not to be missed.

    

First up are Xena and Zena from San Bernadina. They do their little eighties dance while T tells them they are dressed up for a walk to the grocery store.

Next up is Martika, er, Marta, who T describes as the "A-Train of fashion". T actually says the line "with her mustard socks and her ketchup sash, she's a real hot dog". Again, I swear I'm not making this up. I only wish I were that clever.

Oh, here's a winner: Jeff. According to T, Jeff's the hippest cat in town. Well, with dance moves like these, who can doubt him?

    

Jeff prances around for a while and I laugh. Rewind if desired, this is a winner.

Next up is Athena, who T describes as a "living United Nation". Yeah, I don't understand it either, so don't bother asking me.

Next up is Kelly. "All dressed up and no place to go? No Problem says Kelly, I'll just run around the block a few times." Well, at least that headband makes a statement, although I'm hard pressed to know what that statement is.

Next up, Manny. Not Emmanuel Lewis, star of For the Retarded fave The Surreal Life, but the Manny who T describes as wearing the "B-Boy look" but that I figure looks more like a gay pirate ensemble. See what I mean?

    

Yeah. B-Boy my ass. Meanwhile, T looks on in approval as Manny gyrates his hips, in one of the most disturbing things ever seen on television.

And finally, Janine, for whom T has the nerve to quote Nelly on and say "It's getting hot in Here" eighteen years before old band-aid face could infest the airwaves with that same catchphrase. Janine's not taking off all her clothes, however. Thankfully, neither's T. Yet.

"Table the Label", says T, as he tells the famous fashion designers to eat their hearts out. I give this segment an 8/10.

FRUSTRATION (II).

T's back with the Cello, this time launching the bow across the room. Well, at least he stayed in his chair this time. 3/10

Keep going, there's far more...

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All Material Copyright 1998-2006 Movie Criticism for the Retarded.

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